I'm supposed to be doing something else, but I am here after months of not logging in. I think this procrastination boils down to fear of change. Instead of writing for Nanowrimo or working, I am blogging, commenting, stumbling, digging and tweeting. But if I focused on my manuscript, even finishing it in 2011, life would change. Change is bad.
Thing is, I need my life to change. I hit a key milestone. And instead of bemoaning the loss of my youth, I focused on the lack of having completed certain things. I figured a stable job would help achieve those accomplishments. Well, job stability was something I could not get. While I probably should have focused on humilty and driving down my pride dragon, I realized there were two things I loved: editing and writing and I focused on achieving work doing what I love.
I know that if I complete a manuscript, at least I've completed a manuscript, and the real fun will begin. And this is why I'm struggling. The politically correct term is procrastination. The ugly term is laziness.
Writing will separate the doers from the dreamers. I can dream all day about how successful my book will be or have nightmares about both the success and the failure, but that is not doing. And doing causes change.
I even considered going on a resume blitz to find writing and editing positions (I should still do that), but I want to be the entertainer and not just the entertained. And I'm here, and writing a blog post. Maybe following my dream of being a writer and/or editor is a mid-life crisis. I'm very good at avoiding.
Let's not forget what happens when you do more. More is expected of you. (I could tell you a thing or two about what happens when you do more.) My family is one who believes in having routine. For us, disruption of our routine causes pain. Friendships, associations, and relationships have been terminated because of routine disruption.
People say change is good. And at the end of the day I believe them, but comfort of a routine and familiarity is a very strong force.But it can be overcome.
I have been taking tiny steps. My blogs keep me writing. Twitter and church keeps me social. Working outside of the home and online keeps change in my pocket. You would think the satisfaction of achieving an accomplishment would be enough motivation. Ha! Routine and familarity are very strong.
But I'm fighting it. One extremely tiny step at a time, but the fight is on!
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