I have been in the corporate mangement profession for many years. I have worked with families and teens as a youthpastor, and even taught 3rd and 4th graders. I have held two jobs concurrently and have spent hours upon hours away from home, so consumed with providing the security I have always been told I must do, and have learned from the examples of our society that is set before us. I must say, I was pretty good at making money for everyone else, because it seemed no matter how hard I worked, I never had enough to pay for all the "things" in my life. As I completely allowed this way of life to consume me, I also became very sick. Frankly, I was deteriorating from the stress and literally felt as if the weight of my world was suffocating me. I stayed in bed for a month.
I was always a curious person. As a child I would crawl into the neighbors yards and play with puppies, never minding the potential dangers of the momma dogs. I felt as if they knew I was only their to love their puppies. My mother would freak out every time, rightly so. My curiousity and wonder of the universe kept me in trouble most of my young life. I always searched for answers to questions that no one had ever asked, at least not that I had ever heard asked. Why must we be just like everyone else? Why must I learn just like the rest of the class? Who makes these rules? Why are we the only species killing ourselves to live? Yes, yes, I conformed. Went out and got a job, worked hard to be promoted, bought cars, homes, vacations to Disneyland, but I was never really happy. The looming dark cloud of debt and worry always seemed to find me. Now, it's not like me to just quit. I am a stubborn, overachiever and I accepted this. I accepted alot of things in my life that did me no good. And as I lay in that bed for a month, feeling sorry, broken, and sick about all that was happening, crying over what I had become, that small voice of my inner child whispered, 'Wake up'. Questions began to flood my mind.
Not quite like an epiphany, more like a small light way ahead in the distance, I could see that there was a different way, possible a better way than what has been offered to us for so long. The wave of change swept over me and I knew from that moment things would be different. How? Hell, I didn't know. I couldn't even get out of bed. That's it!! First step, you Amy, you!! You must heal! So began the jouney of my life to freedom, healing, and a sense of empowerment to create my own destiny. A destiny free of stress, free of the missing out on time with family and friends, free of institutions that control our thoughts and fears, free of boundaries that defined me as a person, free from fear of what others would think, free to be happy.....so I ask you to take this jouney with me. Maybe I can help you find the small light that offers some freedom and happiness too.
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