The Break Down of A Wine Bottle

This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

We all do it. Okay, well most of us do it.

We have those moments where we rush to our wine rack, or to the nearest liquor store and grab our wine of choice, then proceed to drink it (however you wish, of course).  Generally, this action occurs after a rather intense day (or maybe morning, if you see fit), sometimes in celebration, or sometimes for no good reason at all.  I don’t do this nightly, or daily by any means.  This intense ravaging of my wine rack happens only on very special occasions.

One night,  after a rather infuriating, and offensive conversation regarding The Kiddo, I did what most would do:  I yelled at the night sky, then burst into the ugly cry,  listened to my loud ranty music (thank you Akaline Trio), and cried some more of the ugly cry. Then when that was finished, or mostly finished, I picked myself up and walked myself into my house, and to my fridge, where I pulled out a bottle of my favourite wine.  With a bit of anger and anticipation, I uncorked it, and felt some satisfaction from the “glug, glug, glug” sound it made as it poured into my glass.

Let’s make a couple things clear before I go any further:

  1. I am NOT an alcoholic.
  2. But, I do love me some good wine.

As I sipped, because, reality is, the first glass of wine, you do sip, and try to savour the flavours as they hit your palette.  For most of the glass, anyhow.   As I sipped, I went from being brooding and angry at everyone, and anything,  to being a slightly bit less inhibited. The Hubby and I began our nightly discussion. 6 sips later, (because lets be serious, I pour the full glass when I pour my wine), and I was on the first step of what I will now label,

The Break Down of A Wine Bottle.

Each bottle of wine contains four parts; four different personalities, and four different adventures. Like any bottle of wine, it can vary from person to person.  It’s like those books you read when you were a kid: choose your own adventure. Each glass of wine brings a whole new game.

The First Glass: Ranting.

 Oh boy. I love ranting, but a rant with some wine? It’s beautiful, poetic, and it feels so much more satisfying. Words rush together, and they spill out, quickly and in what appears to be an eloquent fashion. They meld into a new subject in such a favourable manner that you can’t help but continue the ranting. Sometimes you can take the rant online, sometimes, like tonight, you can pace back and forward, artistically holding your glass of wine, and ranting to that person (or hell, the wall),  about politics, family, work, kids, whatever feels right. But the real magic? When you are finished the glass, most times (I say this carefully, because sometimes, you need another glass ), you are done the rant. You are ready for the next glass, and the rant feels as if it has been lifted forever. You have moved onto the second glass, or second stage of the Wine Bottle.

The Second Glass: Waxing Philosophical.

The ranting, of course brings about some fascinating topics. During this phase of the bottle, it helps to have someone who is either just as tipsy as you are, or someone with a predisposition to philosophy and some minor gossip. You can, of course, if no one is present, talk to yourself. Just make sure no one is around for certain.  There may or may not be some psychological analyzing.  This particular night, of course, was no exception. We discussed abuse, and what brings someone to do it. We discussed religion, death, and the idea that there may never be anything else then that. We discussed the familial dysfunction that surrounds us (really, how can we not?) and then we moved on to our respective work situations. The Hubby then promptly fell asleep, during one of my likely, hauntingly profound statements about the world.  Wine always makes me amazingly profound.

 Bringing me to the third stage of the Bottle.

The Third and Last Glass:  “OMG, I think I just drank an entire bottle of I want another?” stage.

At this point, you likely have lost your audience or partner in crime for one reason or the other. So at this point, you are clinging to that last glass, which you are no longer sipping appropriately, and are hoping that you can keep your philosophical discussion alive for a bit longer. You aren’t tired, you are ready to take on the world, and perhaps write a blog (but still have the good sense to edit in the morning). This is the point where you wonder, “Did the wine do what I needed it to do?” And the answer is, most often, YES.

This is the best stage. This is the stage where everything feels as though you sound smarter, you feel happier, you get “great” ideas (Again, like this blog), and you feel like everything is moving in slow motion. You are not college drunk. You are wine drunk, and this sort of drunk is a good and happy place to be...mostly.  You feel light, airy, and carefree.

It is a place where you have no inhibitions. You might start talking about things that are way past appropriate. Or even start doing things that you might think were not really necessary a good idea in the morning.  So be careful with this last glass. It can lead you down a very strange, but well travelled path (you will be in good company if you err on the side of being a little crazy).

After you’ve either run around your house, babbling to yourself happily, wondering how you are being so sneaky but not so sneaky, looked for some random snack that you are suddenly craving,  see if your significant other is awake so you can have some sexy time (they are not) and maybe pretended to be a rockstar for a couple of minutes (I do not do this...Okay, I do), you begin to feel tired.  Your bed sounds comfortable, warm, and inviting.   Sleep comes easiest in this stage; lights out, eyes shut and you sleep like a baby.

The  last stage? The next morning, and it’s aptly called,  

The Empty Bottle.  Or bottles.  And really, it needs no real explanation.  Find yourself a glass of water, hopefully some silence, and crawl back into bed.’s like a good friend who just knows exactly what to say when you have had a bad day. 


Danielle blogs about her daily life at Tales From This Side of the Mamahood, and about her journey as a birthmother at Another Version of Mother

More from living

by Colleen Stinchcombe | 5 days ago
by Kristine Cannon | 5 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 6 days ago
by Jennifer Mattern | 6 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 7 days ago
by Fairygodboss | 8 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 11 days ago
by Fairygodboss | 13 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 15 days ago
by Heather Barnett | 17 days ago
by Domino | 19 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 20 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 25 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | a month ago