Blow Me Out Respectfully!

5 years ago

I had a small window to go necessity shopping yesterday as in groceries and some nighties for mum. A well known candle shop had a sale on. I love candles especially the ones that have a yummy smell. As I have not been home for over two weeks for longer than a few hours, my house smelt, also the dog had destroy a bin bag all over the main living area, hence a musty smell oozing throughout the house.

So I grab two candles, rush up to the counter to pay as currently I am always in a hurry and this is the painstaking conversation that followed.

“Have you used our candles before?”

” Yes I have” They are just candles….

“Do you have a wick clipper and know how to prepare the candle for use?”

“Yes”  now I am being forced to lie, I want to pay and leave. I  use scissors to cut the wick and I just light the candle with matches or a lighter.

“Do you know the best way to put the candle out?”

I pause I know this is a trick question I want to say “I throw a bucket of water of the candle to put it out” instead I hear myself saying

“I blow it out gently like this” and actually show the sales assistant how I blow it out.

She shakes her head in a No, No, No kind of way and looks at me like I need assistance  and some teaching in the instructing of candle usage.

“No, that is not the best way you need to purchase a snuffer and to cut the candle you should purchase a wicker trimmer and a turbo lighter, to light the candle”

I just want my candles, with the amount of stuff going on in my life right now , I want to grab my candles and run.

“No it’s OK I would like just to buy the candles”

“OK my dear, but they won’t burn like they should and candles need to be respected”

My God has the world gone mad, yes I do appreciate the finer intrinsic art to candles but give me a break, they are for my house, not a show room or beauty parlour, I am the mother that can burn toast three times in a row, so I can hopefully manage to burn a candle with respect or no respect, it is a candle we are talking about here not a human being.

“Any way my dear I am giving you this pamphlet full of instructions on how to care for your candle, take the time to read it carefully before you use the candles, so that you do not have any accidents and the candles feel respected”

Thank the heavens there is an instruction pamphlet for the candles, I can drive a car, be a mother, a carer, a wife, run my own business, parachute out of a plane, teach a class of 40 children, dismantle my dryer and fix it and put it back together again (OK I had 2 left over screws)  and yet I do not have the capability to treat a candle with respect.

I managed a wonky smile as she the wrapped my candles to within an inch of their life, even though I had said not to bother they were not a gift but I understand her passion and her right to respect the candles. I could hear her making a call as I left probably to Candle Headquarters “Yes I’m sorry I sold two candles and I am not sure whether they will make it and burn respectfully”

I have managed to light the candles without reading the instructions I was respectful –  go me.


Is It Me Or Are Instructions Taking Over The World ?
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