BlogHer of the Week: Not Calm (dot com)

Here on BlogHer we have lots of discussions of the pressures women are under. Some of it from the the outside, and a lot of it from the inside. It's amazing the hoops we ask ourselves to jump through, leaving aside the pressures from our families, our employers, media messages, and the infamous "they". As in "they say".

It is one of those "theys" that JeniJen from Not Calm (dot com) wants to push back against, on behalf of every woman whose birth "plan" didn't go, well, according to plan. And her message of acceptance and perspective is why we chose her post Don't forget the Arnica Montana; that's important too as BlogHer of the Week. 

So, what's the conventional wisdom JeniJen finds not so wise?

Just this: "Your childbirth experience is the most important event in shaping your life as a mother."

The words of a childbirth professional who, in JeniJen's words, is a woman "whose life work is to support and help other women".

JeniJen acknowledges the loveliness of a wonderful birth experience, no doubt, but she also explains the most logical contradiction to the above sweeping statement:

Yes, a lovely birth is rewarding, and if you can get your hands on one, good for you. It really is wonderful and moving and powerful. But also? It's gravy. It's extra. It's lucky. It's not a good idea to get too attached to the idea of it hovering over and influencing your entire mothering career.

And, the clincher in my argument: Giving birth is not a requirement for becoming a mother, so how can it be the most important thing?


I'm not a mom, but JeniJen's post resonated with me because it travels well-worn personal blogging territory: Shining a light on feelings that often stay hidden in the dark. Offering solidarity and relief to those of us who don't feel the way "they say" we should. Whether those feelings are about childbirth, parenting or, for that matter, having children at all. JeniJen captures those feelings in prose that spans from irreverent to poignant. Leading up to what she wants to say to mothers everywhere. It starts this way:

A lot of the important things start off  invisible; you wouldn't ever guess they are secretly a big deal until you're looking at them shining and waving to you from the rear-view mirror. 

I don't want to give away the rest of JeniJen's lovely thoughts on what actually may be the most important events of parenting. We hope you'll read her post and understand exactly why she's this week's BlogHer of the Week.

Thanks to everyone for sending in your nominated posts. We urge you to remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them coming! If you want to check out all the BlogHer of the Week posts, check out the BlogHer of the Week archive.

For Elisa, Jory and Lisa, BlogHer Co-founders


More from living

by Debbie Wolfe | 20 hours ago
by Kristine Cannon | 6 days ago
by Kristine Cannon | 14 days ago
by Bethany Ramos | 14 days ago
by Ashley Papa | 19 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 22 days ago
by Aly Walansky | 22 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | a month ago
by Fairygodboss | a month ago
by Sarah Brooks | a month ago
by Jessica Watson | a month ago
by Kristine Cannon | a month ago