Bet you wish you had a picture of yourself as a baby feeding next to a rhino

7 years ago

Blimey, I'm just recovering from a bit of a houseful, what with my cousin Jane, her newborn son Mitchell, and a chum coming to stay for the weekend.

And because I am kind like Gandhi (except with more hair, and fewer sheets), I had a treat in store for them. Before you say anything, yes I know! I am getting a bit like Paris Hilton with my hostess skills (except that I don't snog any old bloke just because they play basketball). Here goes........

Pic.No.1 "Hang on a minute, is that your Cousin Jane feeding her baby with a rhinoceros in the background?" I hear you cry

And the answer to that, is; 'yes it bloody well is!' How cool a hostess am I? How many of you can boast that you have a baby picture showing you being fed with a rhinoceros? [takes a bow]. I just wanted to give something special to my little nephew.

'So where did you get the bloody rhinoceros from?' I hear you cry perplexedly.

Well, to be honest, I guessed that it might be almost impossible to get a rhinoceros delivered to my house in Forest Hill, so I thought 'if the mountain won't come to Mohammed, Mohammed must go to the mountain', the mountain in this case being the 'Cotswolds Wildlife Park'.

So that's where we all bally well went, and it was great fun being at one with nature like Steve Irwin (except we were more alive). 

Pic.No.2 Another picture of rhinoceroses (is that correct plural?). I don't know what all the fuss is about, they look like small elephants with a horn instead of a trunk


Pic.No.3 Izzy jumped in all the puddles and got covered from head to toe in mud and looked a bit like a savage. And passers-by stared at me like I was a bad Mum. Good job I'm not the sensitive sort

After the excitement of the rhinos, I turned to Izzy and said, "so Iz, what animal would you really like to see?"

In less than a heartbeat, she answered, "a giraffe."

"Are you sure? They are only spotty horses with long necks," I said.

"Yes," she responded, nodding firmly.

So we all tramped to the giraffe hut, and as soon as we entered, it became clear that there was a bit of a design flaw with the viewing area.

Pic.No.4 If you like giraffe legs, you would be in your element here
After studying the giraffe legs for several minutes and banging on the window in order to try and get them to bend down and look at us (we failed), we decided to go to the 'big cat' area, and as luck would have it we were immediately approached by one of the feline predators. Result! 
Pic.No.5  A spotty tiger-like thing

It seemed to be hotting up on the animal front, so it was with bated breath that we headed for the last animal of the day ...... a camel. On the way there we passed this.........

Pic.No.6 A large sack with a sign saying 'Hibernating Bananas'
What the bloody hell is that all about then? Have bananas evolved into a basic life form and I missed it? Anyway, we eventually arrived at the camel. 
Izzy climbed up the fence to look at it with a rapt expression on her face.
"Wow, look at that mum!" she gasped. 
"It's only a furry horse with some bumps on its back," I informed her.


Pic.No.7 A camel. Crikey O'Reilly they smell worse than Naughty George

Despite my explanation, she did seem quite taken with it. At this rate she might end up being a vet when she grows up, which will be a bummer because I need an accountant.

After all the excitement of mingling with the wildlife, we headed back to my house to give Mitchell a quick diaper change and feed, before heading out to a local pub for dinner.

Pic.No.8 I trained Izzy to feed Mitchell so that I could extend my 'me time'. Yep, I am so cunning that you could pin a tail on me and call me a fox
We decided to eat out at a local pub called 'The Star' in the neighbouring village of Stanton St John which has a reputation for enormous portions (even though enormous portions put me off eating).


Pic.No.9 Jane in the pub chatting to chum (oops I accidentally cut her face off but not in real life though). You can see Izzy's new toy 'Husky' sitting in the middle of the table amidst the wine debris)


Pic.No.10 Looking at all that wildlife had made me feel hungry, so I ordered steak with mashed potato. It was bigger than my head

So all in all, we had a rather marvellous weekend. And as Jane, Mitchell and chum were leaving late on Sunday afternoon, I suddenly remembered that I had arranged to meet a chum from the village for drinks at 7pm. No rest for the wicked eh?!

P.S. So, what have you been up to this weekend?

Annie (Lady M) x

Anne Dickens | The day after yesterday

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