Baby Steps Baby Steps Baby Steps

9 years ago
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Baby steps.  I got that from the movie What About Bob?  If you haven't seen this 1991 movie, you really should.  Sometimes I fear I could turn into Bob.

I have issues.  I mean really.  Doesn't everybody have issues?  Oh.  You don't have issues?  Well then you're a liar lucky.

I've mentioned on here a couple times now that I have a teeny tiny
problem with anxiety.  Nothing debilitating that keeps me in my home 24
hours a day without coming out to see the light of day for months on
end....yet....but it's been something that has been increasingly
alarming to my doctor.  Not me.  Just her.  I'm perfectly content in my
happy place thank you very much.

She seems to think I have issues with going out in public and as I've said on here before, the word agoraphobia
has come up a time or two.  I try and convince her I'm just a nasty
so-and-so who hates all people and that's why I refuse to venture out
too much, but apparently knowing me for a hundred years combined with
all her years in practice...she isn't buying it for one minute.

So the goal lately has been to venture out more.  This doesn't mean
getting out how I normally get out either.  Which is completely alone. 
It's getting out more and mingling amongst the people.  Kind of sounds
like royalty doesn't it.  Queen Joy...out amongst the people....it is
so nice to see her again...she's been gone for....oh never mind.

It's not as easy as it sounds to get out and mingle any more
though.  When my children were smaller?  Very easy to get out and
mingle amongst other parents and keep occupied with events.  Nowadays? 
Not so much.  Let's face it, the world today has made it very easy for
those of us on the brink of agoraphobia to build a nice little cocoon
around ourselves.  Quite frankly it's an agoraphobes slice of heaven
with the way the world is today.

Total isolation can easily be obtained.

I don't have to go to a mall any more if I don't want to.  One...or
four...clicks from the computer will have me outfitted for the winter. 
Nice warm pants, a few shirts, purses, shoes, anything I want and I'm
set for the season.

It doesn't take you long to find a place over the internet where the
clothes fit you exactly how you want them.  Tailoring to fit this
freakishly weird body of mine?  Not a problem.  It can all be done over
the internet at a slightly higher cost to you.  Totally worth it.

I can buy exactly what I want from anywhere in the world.  Delivered
by UPS?  No problem.  Detailed instructions will bring it right to my
door.  Rarely do I need to sign for anything and if I do?  A two second
signature and a quick "have a nice day" is the only interaction one
needs.

I rarely eat fast food but in the two or three times a year I may
venture out and lose my senses and get some fast food?  It's a quick
drive-thru service.  There are a number of fast food places to choose
from and it's not like we get any sort of socialization that way is
it?  "Can I take your order?" and "Would you like extra sauce with
that?" doesn't exactly make for stimulating conversation.

I used to go into a bank to do all my banking.  I would chat with
the friendly tellers and they would ask how I was doing.  They knew all
my children by name and would often comment on how much the children
were growing.

My children?  Have never met a bank teller.  When they opened their
accounts an appointment was made, they met a woman who took them into
her office, opened up their accounts and then sent them on their way. 
Never to see a bank teller to this day.  Their employee cheques are
automatically deposited into their accounts and any banking they want
to do can be done either at the ATM or over the phone.  Writing a
cheque?  What's that?  I can't remember the last time I wrote a
cheque....what are the chances my children will ever have to?

There was a time I would dial 411 and a nice happy voice would come
on and ask me what number I was looking for.  It was called directory
assistance and there was a human on the other end.  Sometimes the human
would even say "Have a nice day" at the end of our 'conversation'.  Now
I dial 411 and a computer voice comes on and gives me three or four
different choices on how I can find a number.  "Ok.  Let me see if I
heard you correctly.  You said...Shopper's Drug Mart.  Is that
correct?  Good.  I have three listings for Shopper's Drug Mart.  Would
you like to hear......"

I mean it's incredible really.  And do I have to dial the number to
Shopper's Drug Mart once I get if from the nice computer voice on the
other end?  Nope.  "Stay on the line and we will connect you." can be
heard.  If that isn't enough, I never have to remember the number again
because my cell phone will now automatically save the number if I
want.  It boggles the mind really.  Well it boggles my mind.  And because I have memory issues, it's just an added bonus I say.

I can go on and on and on with the number of ways it is easy for
people to become less sociable and more agoraphobic but I don't have
enough time right now.  See because as I'm typing this I'm also
ordering books from amazon.  Books.  Ah yes books.  There was a time I
would go to a bookstore and talk to the....

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