Aging Struggling and watching young women throw it all away

7 years ago

Today, I have spent my time getting ready for an upcoming interview.  It's a phone interview so the impact of what I say is going to make all of the difference.  .  I have pulled the job description, compared my particular skills,  I have thought of relevant examples.  I am going to be ready.  I do this with the goal of not only paying for my groceries but to make sure that my life holds my interest.  I want to be challenged every day.

I take a break, check my FB page.  My nephew's wife is bragging on getting free razors.  This is not the first time.  She talks about coupons as the be all, end all to her life.  I take that back, she talks of painting a room.  She talks of her child's fever and vomit.  She finds all of this fascinating.  She is defined by her husband, supporting her husband, nursing a sick child and saving the money while her husband is in school.

She is not a lamebrain.  She has an advanced degree in Special Education.  She in fact supports the family so that he can go back to school.

My nephew talks of going back to school.  He talks of medical terms, pharmaceutical terms, football and his daily living experience.  If he mentions the baby, it is usually something about how she kept him awake all night.  He clearly defines himself by his goals, and his pleasure.  I know him, he loves his wife and he loves his child.  He is not a callous, hard hearted boy.  He has just figured out how to make his life interesting and challenging.  He depends on his wife to help him do that. 

The name of the game is dutiful submission.  I do not get this.  If she is going to work, why not work to find your heart's desire.  Earning power seems to go straight up the scale when someone is doing something that they love. Couponing is a time consuming task.  Could that time be used to earn more money and not need the coupons?   I ask her, what is your heart's desire.  Her feelings are hurt.  How dare I?  She will stick with the friends  who tell her how awesome she is for saving 18%.  She is not talking to me.

She is not the only woman who has sublimated their desires to the supposed need of her husband or children.  She doesn't realize that my nephew can wash dishes, can paint walls and if coupons are necessary, can clip coupons.  She and thousands of other women are bereft when their children grow up and their husband no longer finds them interesting.

Many have joined the fray and have been advocating for women for decades.  Still, women are being used and thrown away.  They end up with no support system and no way to support themselves. Thirty years after I began advocating for women, it is the same.

I think that I will be selfish.  I am wasting my time.  From now on, I advocate for me and for the women who know that they can have just what they want.  Unfortunately, the next generation in my family will not be part.



Hope E.N.D. = entirely new direction

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