Acting Your Age, or Confessions of a (Supposed) Serial Killer

4 years ago
april fools 2010
april fools 2010 (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

have I got your attention yet? Don't worry I am not in any way related to Hannibal Lecter, Norman Bates, or Ted Bundy I promise. Several years ago however a friend of mine did manage to convince someone in line at a movie theater concession stand that I lived at a facility for the criminally insane because I killed 15 people. My friend and I had been dropped off at the theater to see 50 First Dates and while standing in line to get soda and popcorn I dropped some change on the floor which my friend leaned over and handed back to me. April is also disabled but when standing next to me I suppose it is less noticeable because I'm in a wheelchair and she walks, anyway the woman ahead of us in line saw her hand me the change back and said, "isn't that nice of you taking your sweet little crippled friend out to a movie," or something along that saccharine sweet gag me with a spoon line  without missing a beat April says, "No she's not sweet at all. As a matter fact she snapped one day and killed 15 people for no reason at all. This is her monthly day away from the facility and that seatbelt is not to keep her from falling out of the chair but to keep her from randomly attacking people." During April's story I had not said  anything at first because I was upset that this woman talked about me as though I wasn't there and then because I didn't want to ruin April's amazing story. The woman's eyes got as big as dinner plates and she collected her movie snacks and fairly ran away from us. As soon as she was out of sight the girl behind the concession counter melted to the floor laughing. I was enough of a regular that she knew me by sight, know very well that I could talk, was never under heavy sedation and was definitely NOT a serial killer. The movie was great and when mom came to pick us up she laughed even harder than we had at the ridiculously gullible woman in the concession line.

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