For the last two weeks or so, I’ve been an absentee blogger. It is the first time I have gone this long without making 2-3 posts or more in a week. It feels strange not to be writing regularly. I love writing. But, I just didn’t have it in me to write.
As many of you know, on June 4, I learned at my 12-week ultrasound that my baby hadstopped growing at 10 weeks. The news was devastating, as I described in my post on that day. A week later, we had the D&C.
During the last couple of weeks, I’ve tried to find the joy and motivation to write. I was missing both. I was mourning the loss of my little angel; the fourth such angel in my life. Trying to put on a happy face and write about food, much less life, seemed impossible in many ways. I tried. I did a Sweet Saturday post, but I didn’t have the mental energy nor the ability to do much more than that one post over 2 weeks ago.
I have been slowly healing from the loss. We had made plans for the Father’s Day weekend months before the loss, and I was grateful for it. My parents drove up from Florida with my niece and nephew. We met them at a Cardinal’s baseball game on Father’s Day. Spending the day with family at one of my favorite places helped me heal. Being surrounded by the ones you love always helps.
That evening, we ate dinner at Outback and my oldest distracted me from my thoughts as she refused to eat, spitting out even her favorite foods. What was up with my child? (I never found out, FYI. She just stopped eating for a couple of days and resumed eating again recently.)
After dinner, we returned home and got our girls ready for bed. Of course, Grace refused to sleep until close to 10, but Ginny was so exhausted she fell asleep immediately. About an hour after our return, one of my best friends, Dawn, arrived (also planned over a month ahead of time). She was in Illinois for a wedding over the weekend and had decided to stop and visit with us before returning home to Kentucky.
It is like God knew the loss would happen and timed it so I would be surrounded by family and friends. I’m grateful for that. The time at the game and spending the next day with my family and Dawn helped me in ways that are hard to describe. I needed them. I didn’t know how much I needed them until I saw them. Their hugs and love enveloped me, even though no one was hovering over me with concern. My heart felt it. My joy returned.
With my healing, I knew I needed to return to my blog. Coming back was not easy. Where should I start? What should I say? I let my thoughts fester and grow for the next week. Doing a Twitter party with a bunch of bloggers one night was enough to motivate me. I felt the support from my blogging community. Not for my loss, but for my loss of motivation in writing and blogging. Chatting with them helped me find a desire to write again. I pulled out my calendar and started to fill it with an editorial schedule of sorts.
I can’t promise I won’t take a break like I did again. I don’t intend to, but as I discovered, life happens. However, for all intents and purposes, I plan to post at least 2-3 times a week again. I have a few posts planned for this week, including recipes for a great hamburger casserole and lemon sugar cookies.
Thanks to all of you for your love, support, and encouragement during the last couple of weeks. I have felt it and appreciated it in ways I can’t explain. You, my readers, are beyond amazing!
This post originally appeared on Adventures of a Jayhawk Mommy
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