Before I lived the high life as a mother of two kids, I had an actual paying job outside of my home. I got up (begrudgingly), took a shower (I know, right!), put on presentable clothes (this is almost comical), dried my hair (holy shit did I have it good!) and left my house … in the morning!
I worked at two major global companies and one privately held company in the eight years I was employed. Through my stint in Corporate America I have run across various co-workers and employees. My background is logistics (product supply, transportation, distribution, etc.) meaning I worked in an office, spent a lot of time in a warehouse, and managed a private fleet of trucks. This is a diverse group of individuals (understatement of the year) but I have been able to sum them up pretty well by meshing my new life with my old life.
Credit Image: payayita on Flickr
I present Disney characters you will work with at some point in your life:
- (Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story) The Over Achiever – This is the dude that sends emails at 6 am and 11 pm to prove to the boss he is working above and beyond. Enough already, buddy … we get it.
- (Pinocchio) The Liar – He will put on his resume he knows computers … and then ask you how to save a file.
- (Smee) The Brown Noser – He’s a “Yes” man to a fault, and seriously wear a shirt that covers your damn stomach!
- (Peter Pan) The Constant Kid – He never grew up, parties, says inappropriate things on a regular basis, dresses like Gap threw up in his closet and smells of Axe body spray.
- (Grumpy) The Disgruntled Employee – No matter what perk comes his way, he will complain about it. Summer hours … yeah well I still have to pay for the entire day of daycare even though I pick up my kid early. Company holiday … well now I just have more work to do when I come back the next day.
- (Mike Wazowski – Monsters, Inc.) The Inept – You know this guy … you put him on a team, give him an easy job and he spends way more time prepping for it than needed and still totally screws the entire thing up.
- (Woody – Toy Story) The Know it All – This guy has the entire union contract memorized and tries to manipulate it to his benefit, threatening to file a grievance over every little thing. Don’t ever try arguing with him – 'cause he is always right.
- (Scar – The Lion King) The Asshole – He gets up and screams in your face to the point he needs to be pulled out of the room to collect himself by his union rep.
- (Gaston – Beauty and The Beast) The Self Righteous – The owner that parks in the handicap spot while the handicapped employee has to park in the back of the parking lot.
- (Snow White) The Ray of Sunshine – She is perpetually happy, positive, and supportive. There is no bringing this gal down.
- (Hercules) The Muscle Man – The dude that when you meet him he squeezes your hand so hard in a power move you are sure at least one bone is broken.
- (Marlin – Nemo) The Worrier – The call for a meeting means lay-offs, the new employee is gunning for his job, the soda machine might be replaced with only water. You know this guy – he drives you fucking crazy, every damn day.
- (White Rabbit – Alice in Wonderland) The Turtle – She’s always late, but she has an excuse! and it’s normally long and painfully winded. Her car broke down, the sky was falling, an alien invasion, she stopped a robbery in progress.
- (Sully Sullivan – Monsters, Inc.) The Slob – He wears the same shirt every day to work without washing it, and when he leaves the room you can’t grab the can of Lysol quick enough. In complete irony last his name is Funk/Rank/Skunk.
- (Prince Naveen – Princess and the Frog) The Freeloader – The employee that does nothing but search the internet, and then when she is fired she tells you that she prayed to God that this would happen. The employee will then bounce out of the meeting like she just hit the lotto – oh shit that’s right she did, and it’s called unemployment.
I think that sums them all up – and yes, I really did work with everyone of these people.
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