Nine Reasons Why My Village (and yours) Should Allow Chickens
My village won't let me have chickens. It irritates me to no end.
See that photo, above? That's my town. It is a dozen or so little residential roads and 2 main streets with a grand total of 2 stoplights, both of which are turned off at 11 pm. This sprawling metropolis takes about 20 minutes to cross, from end to end, on foot.
It is surrounded by miles upon miles of farmland. In fact, even though I live pretty much right in the heart of the residential part of the village, there is a field across the street from me.
It is so rural that we have an annual tractor cruise-in and it's a very big deal.
- Well, of course I took a picture. It was his FIRST tractor cruise-in!
Yet it is illegal to have chickens in my back yard.
I have considered going to the village council and using my vast powers of persuasion to convince them to change this ordinance. There are three reasons why I haven't.
1) I've been told by two people whom I trust to know such things that it's been tried and it failed and, given what happened before, it will fail again. The council is firmly anti-chicken.
This may seem strange to you if you don't live in a small town. You may think, "Just because it didn't fly five years ago doesn't mean it won't now!" That's true. There is always a chance. But you have to keep in mind that these are the same men (Yes, 100% of the village council are men.) who have been on the council since the town's founding fathers drained the swamp and planted sugar beets. (I bet the founding fathers raised chickens!) If it's not the same men, it is their sons or their grandsons, their nephews, or their 2nd cousins 4 times removed, or their neighbor's dog groomer's best friend's cousin.
It's VERY hard to get this group of men to change something once they've already voted NOT to change it.
2) At least one of the men on the council really doesn't like me. It's shocking. I know. I find it hard to believe too. I'm just so darn lovable! But, alas I think he's anti-hippie as well as being anti-chicken.
3) I, myself am a chicken at heart. Perhaps that's why I'm so fond of them! But the thought of getting up in front of these stern-faced, chicken-hating men (one of whom is constantly glaring at me) and giving my chicken-loving schpeal makes me feel physically ill. Maybe... MAYBE... if I thought I had some realistic shot at success I would put my big girl pants on and deal with it but since there isn't it just doesn't seem worth the intestinal distress.
That said... while I'm really not a convincing speaker, I've been told I'm a fairly decent writer.
So here it is, guys. I hope you read this and my positively powerful prose moves you to action for the benefit of the entire community and, dare I say it? Yes, even the planet. YOU, dear councilmen, descended from our town's forefathers, could be, as they were, pioneers among the American people. YOU could help end hunger, heal the economy and protect our planet.
Please allow me to present, for your consideration:
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