Dream Pillow #13- A Wedding Dream

8 years ago



This 100 % cotton fabric pillow is 16×16 in size and has a zipper for
easy removal. The donation for the pillow is $25. Thank you for
supporting our wedding dream Please visit www.1000pillows.com to read the full love story.

Love Story continues…Life always seems to have its
own plan for me. There is constantly a struggle when it comes to
control. Some people know exactly what they are doing and when, while
others get a clue along the way. I knew what I wanted to accomplish and
what I needed to be responsible for in life, but it forever seems to
have a bit of a different plan for Me! Instinct can only take one so
far. I am learning that it is necessary to just let go.

Coming to Los Angeles may have been a test run for Boston. Boston
would bring me relief or challenge my ability to accept some of the
things that have happened in my life. To understand solace. Being
alone, as I have mentioned before, was never needed or possible. I
didn’t know how to be still, much less far from home. My Home…
Alone…Quiet. I didn’t know what those words meant after so many years
of being surrounded by people. Too many people. Too much of what
everyone else always wanted but not enough time for me to decide what
my favorite drink was or what Chicken Tika Masala was, or Pho, or real
French Onion soup!

I had three days left in LA before my journey in Boston was set to
begin. In the meantime I wanted to see John. I called him as we had
been texting each other ever since I left Sonoma. At some point I told
him about Boston and how soon my escape to LA was about to come to an
end. He was supportive and thought that Boston would be a beautiful
experience. He said that it would change me as LA had started to and he
looked forward to witnessing that process. I was not sure what he meant
by that at the time. What did he know that I didn’t ?!

Tuesday: I made plans for everyone to meet on Friday night at
Firefly, a restaurant close to Joel’s place. I could tell from John’s
response to my invitation that he thought he was going to be going out
alone with me. It would be one of my last evenings with my friends and
I really wanted to see as many people as I could before I left. I went
to bed, eyes closed, body tired. I could not sleep. The anxiousness was
starting to envelop my body. At first it was a feeling of small
thoughts that drifted in and out of my head that quickly became a tidal
wave of fear and worry. Was I doing the right thing ?! Even my Friday
plans made me restless. Wednesday was Halloween and I made plans weeks
ago to meet friends at the Gay parade. I was not in the mood to put on
a costume and party it up, but I was told that Halloween in West
Hollywood was a must see event that could not be missed. I took a deep
breath and thought of the kiss I shared with John before I left Sonoma.
For as nervous as he made me, his presence calmed me. With sweet
thoughts, I drifted to sleep.

Wednesday Morning: TV brought with it a cavalcade of Halloween fun
on the local Fox news channel. Two of the reporters were dressed up in
full costume. Chicago news isn’t usually this fun and one would never
see anchors dressed up for Halloween. I could not concentrate on the
news because I was distracted by the female reporter who had her
breasts propped up in a very sexy pirate costume talking about the
weather. Chicago is just too buttoned up for this kind of on-air
debauchery! It was like watching soft porn! Astonished, I said out
loud, “Is this was it takes to get ratings in LA?” Joel just laughed
and turned the channel to remove the festiveness of a holiday he sees
no point in.

Breakfast was as it always is when you eat on the road. This morning
was no exception with Philadelphia cream cheese spread and a touch of
mixed berry jam over a toasted sesame bagel. My bagel reminded me of H&H Bagels in
New York which is definitely worth the pilgrimage or worth frequenting
if you live near it. Would anywhere I ate ever be able to give me the
same kind of satisfaction that I knew I could depend on…like it did in

The rest of Wednesday flew by and before I knew it we had to get
going to meet Jen at her place to go to the parade. Joel and I did not
find costumes so we decided to go as spectators rather than
participants. Halloween is not one of Joel’s favorite holidays and it
made me wonder how much he would enjoy the evening.

Apparently driving to a gay parade in a gay part of town is not a
good idea. I was a little nervous about taking a bus in LA
because…well, how would I know how to get back if we got separated? How
would I know which bus to take? How does anyone know which way is up in
this town when there isn’t a lake or the largest skyscraper in The
States to at least guide me?! We waited for 20 minutes before the bus
showed up and as soon as we entered the bus I knew this was going to be
a very interesting night. There were two guys dressed in spider man
costumes; another guy was dressed like a monk; and last but not least,
there was a girl dressed like little red ridding hood and her partner,
the wolf. What costume would I have chosen if Joel and I made it a

We arrived at the corner of Santa Monica and La Cienega in West
Hollywood. The streets were filled with thousands of people dressed in
the most outrageous costumes. You couldn’t move on the sidewalks or
streets. The sound of music was thumping from every bar and club. The
air was filled with the smell of cologne, cigarettes, and weed. Forget
about the contact high, everywhere I looked there were men and women
showing off their assets. This jumble of people was endless, and what
they were doing was beyond anything that I was used to in my everyday
life. Men kissing men. Young women witnessing gay erotica at its
finest. I’ve never been to therapy, but I could understand the need
after how many times I witnessed gay men feelin’ up women’s bulging
breasts all night long. At some point Joel vocalized how confused he
was about what was real and what was…fantasy. I have never been to
Margi Gras in New Orleans, but this night made me feel like I was in
the middle of something similar. I was over stimulated with all of the
eye candy. It was no longer a jumble of people. This was a jungle, and
I was in the middle of a place that would not surrender me easily.

By 02:00 AM I was dizzy and Joel had had enough. Jen was shimming
like she usually does and talking to a guy she once had a thing for. I
was going to spend the last two nights with her, but by the looks of
things, Jen was making plans of her own. It seems that I would yet
again be back on Joel’s couch.

It was too late to catch a bus back to Jen’s so we all grabbed a
cab. Joel and I headed back to his place. I remember wanting nothing
more at that moment then to jump in a shower and wash every single
square inch of my WEHO Halloween experience off of me. Exhausted, I
crawled onto my well worn couch, laid my head down and was asleep in
seconds. There was no time to worry about what was next.

Thursday: I had some long standing plans to see my cousins and
extended family this evening. I wanted to catch up with my mother’s
side of the family and have dinner with them. I also wanted to give
Joel a break from me and from dragging him out last night so I arranged
for a ride to the family’s pad and when I arrived, there were at least
15 people waiting for me. We drank and ate and laughed. I shared my
experiences from Sonoma, Halloween and my anticipation for Boston. I
may have mentioned something about John, but he was too new to really
bring up like it was something serious. I hadn’t even had one evening
alone with him.

I was blessed to be sitting in a kitchen of a Home that was filled
with women who grew up with my mother and their kids. The food was
incredible. It was a spread of traditional Assyrian dishes including:
Basmati rice; beef cutlets spiced with onions, bread crumbs and a
little turmeric; chicken kabobs with pita bread and dill cucumber
dressing; lamb stew with potatoes and garlic; and my favorite, pickled
vegetables and feta cheese. I was treated like a Princess and I ate so
much my stomach felt like it would explode. Life was good tonight.
Black tea and nazook made it even better. We have a saying in Assyrian
that translates to “A full stomach makes for a peaceful world.”
“Peaceful” Would Boston bring me peace, or would I continue to surround
myself with more to make me forget?

More to come next week…

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