There are certain times that find myself actually jealous of my children -- such as their lack of having to deal with real life problems and ability to truly live in the moment. I keep telling my three year old that these are some of the best years of her life. Her response? She just stares at me blankly -- as I am sure I did when I was her age and someone told me the same thing I'm telling her.
But today I find myself jealous of my toddler's ability to have a complete and utter meltdown(s). I mean throw myself on the floor and scream, yell and cry on the top of my lungs -- meltdown. It seems after she gets done having a fit of rage -- she instantly feels better and is on to the next activity. And the source of the meltdown seems to instantly disappear. Or does it?
Well, I have experienced my first complete and utter disappointment (and disbelief) that we lost the house that we were bidding on. I was so sure that the house was ours. Our realtor seemed to think that it was a done deal. There weren't any other offers on the house....it was the holidays. We went in with a fair offer and didn't low ball the bank. But then from left field, a competing offer. We made our last and best offer the morning I boarded the plane with my babies and headed back east for a visit with the rents (parents). And still I was sure that we would be the winning bid. I mean, I have to admit, I'm usually lucky. Things typically fall in place. I don't worry that much because things always seem to work out in the end...for the best.
This time....they didn't -- at least that's how I feel right now.
I have to admit, I am obsessed with the house. I talk about it non stop. Did I mention that someone else won the bid and will be calling it home? That I won't be getting a house wrapped up in tissue paper this X-mas and stuffed under the tree? That I talk to complete strangers about my dismay; and am grieving the house like it was a relative? Like a real person who I tenderly loved? I even convinced myself that my husband was just pulling one of me and that he's gonna surprise me on X-mas morning with a photo of the house wrapped up in paper and decorated with a million-zillion ribbons! Well, unfortunately that's not the case!
How to deal? Well, I've decided to sneak off and have myself a real, whopper of a fit. If it works for my toddler than it may work for me? Right? Well, if you hear someone screaming her head off in the next five minutes....I apologize. But here's to hoping that this adult sized meltdown will provide me the psychological therapy and release that I need to just get over my disappointment and enjoy the holidays.
To count the many blessings that are mine and realize that maybe this happened for a reason and that really our dream home has yet to be realized. Let's hope so. Until then, I'll be screaming under the mistletoe and shaking the tree. Merry Christmas and Bah Humbug!
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