You Are What You Think

6 years ago

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“It’s really dangerous to think that what you look like is who you are”. – Portia de Rossi

Portia de Rossi (she played Lindsay Bluth Fünke on Arrested Development – oh my lord, I love that show! – and probably most famously as Nell Porter on Ally McBeal, and Ellen DeGeneres's wife.) recently wrote a memoir called Unbearable Lightness where she chronicles what it was like obsessing about food and weight and how it took over her life, becoming more important than anything and everything else.

Recently she was interviewed by Oprah where she explained the extremes she went through to lose weight and feel good about herself (which she never did). You really have to watch her explain it, because my words won’t do her feelings justice. (Note: There are triggering photos in here, so if you think you might be affected by them stop watching after the 6:27 mark.)

I know that so many of you look in the mirror and can find things that you’re unhappy about and maybe build these “problems” up in your head so much that it prevents you from really being the person you want to be. So what your nose is too big, your stomach too round, or your thighs too plump. That doesn’t define you. It only does if you let it. Here’s a woman who is objectively thin and gorgeous, yet she was walking around with a lump in her throat the size of a basketball, because she felt like she wasn’t good enough. Portia (and I) am here to tell you that you are what you think you are, so if you want to go around boo-hooing because you’re upset that your arms don’t look like Jackie Warner’s then go ahead and live the rest of your life defining yourself by the size of your arms. Sounds crazy when you read it though, doesn’t it? From my own history of body-image issues and eating disorders I know it’s way easier said than done, but you have to start somewhere, because if you’re ever going to live the life you want to live and be the person you want to be than you have to agree to accept and love yourself, imperfections and all. Because honestly, absolutely no one is perfect.

They’ve done studies that show that “fat talk” serves absolutely no purpose, other than to make you feel worse about yourself, and that people who actively avoided it showed an increase in their feeling of self-worth, so…

Here’s a 21 Day Challenge (haven’t done this in a while) – Every day I want you to give yourself 1 compliment, so that by the end of the 21 days you should have 21 compliments. They can be visual or internal, just make sure that you’re writing them down. I want to see and hear about them, so please write them in the comments box below. You can put them in the box everyday or wait until you have all 21 to list them, but please list them, because you never know how what you have to say about yourself might help someone else. I’ll begin…

My name is Dani and I’m a certified personal trainer and empowerment coach, living in Brooklyn, NY with my husband Roman and 2 dogs, Billiam and Ozzie. I’ve been helping people lose weight and change their lifestyle for over 5 years now. I’m passionate about working with women who have a poor body/self-image and think that they can’t lose weight or love the skin they’re in. I’m backed with lots of knowledge that I’ve learned through textbooks and classes, but my real strength comes from what I’ve learned from years of personal struggle and experience. I really want to help you learn a better way to live a healthy lifestyle that doesn’t include crash diets or starvation. Stop obsessing and start living! To learn even more, please check out my website at

This is an article written by one of the incredible members of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.

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