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Recently, I either read or heard, "Whenever I feel like I'm lacking, I give."
These past few months I felt as if I were lacking… and so, recently, I gave.
I gave clothes I no longer wore, pots and pans I never use, shoes that were on their last breath, bags that were collecting dusts, home decorations that had been sitting in the corner since I moved back into my apartment after it was gutted and random shit that I don't even know how it came into my possession. Anything that I never used, no longer served me or I had grown out of was packed into boxes and bags and given away.
I felt free. I felt light. I had space.
And yet, I felt as if I never had any time to do anything.
I once read when we claim we don't have enough time it's because deep down we don't want to do it. I call bullshit.
For weeks I was waking up at 4am so I could workout before I taught Pure Barre at 6am, from there I'd run home to shower and then head to my day job at 9am where I would sit, bored and miserable all day, and leave promptly at 5pm for book club, followed something with Junior League, working on my fashion line, attending a networking event, or, more likely than not, passing out from exhaustion.
I literally had no free time, and it pissed me off. I felt trapped and angry all of the time, which was totally confusing because weeks before I was so free after getting rid of my belongings.
Then I realized ... if I wanted more time, I needed to let go of those things taking up my time in ways that weren't in line with my core desires. I needed to make space and stop doing things because I "should" do them.. And so, I resigned from both Pure Barre and Junior League, and put my fashion line on an indefinite hold.
Talk about making space. These were big scary changes but, honestly, this is totally my "even better".
Work at my real job has picked up big time. My desk is always full.
Not only that but I've been given more responsibility and, last week, closed a high dollar deal on my own. Like woah! Total 180! Did I mention I'm actually enjoying myself?!
I was also offered, and accepted, the opportunity to become a founding Director and Officer of 'Ween Dream, a non-profit organization giving Halloween costumes to underprivileged children.
All this joy, appreciation, new opportunities, growing and freedom simply from listening and trusting myself to make some space. Effing awesome.
It takes me back to the quote, "Whenever I lack, I give." In the past, I took the quote so literal. I wanted more time so I tried to find ways to give my time. It was a train wreck. But now I get it.
It wasn't easy to get to this moment, and I know more work and space making needs to be done. But, this is the starting point of my spring cleaning ... this is where I am supposed to be ... feeling free.