I am not sure if I am writing this for myself, for others, for attention, for sympathy, or just to write something that someone else might find. I hate the phrase "Plus-Size". I hate it for women, I hate it for men, I hate it for kids. I hate the word "Average". I hate that I do not like what I see in the mirror, am too lazy to work out, scared to be judged, worry about what others think about me, that I judge other people for my same insecurities. I am frustrated that I love fashion, hair, makeup but feel restricted by my size and body image. I am sad that I took a "before" picture when I palnned to lose 30 lbs by the end of the year, and now want to work out to be fit- not lose weight.
I don't know if I need support from a community, the acceptance from my has been model mother, to find love for myself the way my husband loves me. I don't know what my next step is, if I need to change or if the world is just wrong.
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