Things no one tells you about childbirth.

3 years ago

This my list of thing I wish I had been warned of or further warned/prepared to endure when it came to labor, birthing my daughter, and postbirth. In my opinion nothing can ever fully prepare you but this would have been a good start.


  • Having your cervix checked is REALLY uncomfortable and borderline painful.
  • You most likely will not be allowed to have food or drink besides maybe ice chips.
  • You can never be fully prepared for how odd your water breaking feels.
  • You can never fully comprehend how bad a contraction hurts until you’re having them.
  • Contractions hurt so much worse when your water has broken.
  • You will bleed during labor. It’s normal.
  • Gravity is your friend.
  • Don’t be fooled. Hard labor or no getting the epidural still hurts.
  • You will have a contraction during the epidural.
  • You may NOT move during its placement.
  • The nurses will be your best friends during the whole process.
  • You may pee yourself involuntarily while having an intense contraction. You are not the first and not the last.
  • You will have more hands and faces in your vagina than you will ever care to have.
  • They were not lying when they told you that you will have no modesty left after giving birth.
  • While the epidural is in place you will be surprised that you can find and tell your legs what to do but they will not have the ability to do so.
  • If you’ve had the epidural then when it’s time to push it just feels like you need to take a massive poo.
  • Pushing feels like you are moving the world’s biggest turd.
  • Speaking of turds you will not be the first or last woman to poo during pushing either.
  • Epidural or no once baby is out there is such a physical relief that you have to experience yourself to know what kind I mean.
  • The epidural wearing off may take a long time and feel like your lower half has been asleep but not in the prickly painful way. (Thank God!)
  • Now that you’ve done all this work with no food or water you will drink the stale water they bring you with lots of joy.
  • You will never have a meal so good as the one you finally get to eat as the one you have after birth.
  • When all feeling has returned to your down region you will notice your butthole will hurt. Like a lot.
  • The ice diaper pad and numbing spray will be your best friends.
  • The peri bottle is a pain in the ass to prepare once home but will feel so good.
  • You may also get hemorrhoids from pushing.
  • Witchazel wipes will feel really good after pooing when you get the nerve to do so.
  • Take the stool softener. Don’t argue. Just take the biggest dose you can. Every day.
  • Pooing the first time will hurt your stitches (if you needed any) more than anything else.
  • If you tear you will almost always be given the dissolving stitches.
  • Take it easy. Seriously. Stiches pop easier down there for some reason.
  •  First few times you have sex will probably not feel too good.
  • You may also leak milk like a busted fire hydrant.
  • You will be more tired than anyone can warn you about.
  • You will also be happier than anyone can explain.
  • Babies are so worth it!


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