Symptoms, glamorous symptoms

5 years ago

So what do me and Jamie Lee Curtis have in common? 

We can't take a shit, apparently. Constipation is one of many truly glamorous symptoms of pregnancy that I had no idea I would get. I feel like the only one people talk about openly is morning sickness. Fortunately, I have not had a very severe case of this; I mostly just sit at my desk gagging for a few seconds, a couple times a day, and that's about it. But I feel like at this point I'd trade my mild nausea for one good old fashioned trip to the dump. 

I have never been exactly normal on this front. I am a "feast or famine" kind of gal, to quote a funny friend of mine. But since I got pregnant, it has been really bad. And talk about NOT feeling sexy. I wanted to keep this particular symptom a secret from my husband, but one night when I was near tears because I was so miserable, I finally blurted it out. "I can't shit!" I wailed, holding my bloated stomach. He was sympathetic, but it was not a romantic moment. 

Other delightful symptoms: the bloating. My god, the bloating. I wake up looking fairly normal, and then by the end of the day my stomach is so bloated and distended that I look like one of those poor malnourished children in the Unicef ads. (Yeah, I already know I'm an awful human being for making that comparison.) I was so bloated at the end of one work day that a woman offered me her seat on the subway. I am only 13 weeks! I'm really not showing yet. It was just the bloat. (I was both humiliated and grateful for the seat.)

Then there's the acne. Guys, I never had zits this bad, not even when I was a freaking teenager. Between the constipation, bloating and ravaged skin, I am a triple threat of sexiness right now. My husband still finds me irresistible, bless him. But I am ready for the cute baby bump phase and not the tired, grouchy, bloated, zitty-but-not-shitty part to pass. What on earth do celebrities do when they are going through this phase? Just hide out in their mansions? Somebody must know the answer to this. 

This is an article written by one of the incredible members of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.

More from health

by Callie Little
| 4 days ago
by Sara Lindberg M. Ed
| 4 days ago
by Jane Ruffino
| 6 days ago