Surgery, Depression & How I am Coping

4 years ago
12 Weeks ago today, I had surgery to remove a Brain tumor. I never realized how much this would eventually affect my mental health. Surgery can be traumatic, but this type of surgery has really affected me in ways I never expected. I have had a hard time with my Mental health since that faithful day.
Now, having brain surgery itself is a traumatic event. As you can see, the scars, the hair loss from treatments, all can contribute to mental health and depression. It is so important to keep up a normal routine and interact with people as you do before. Depression can strike anyone, not just people like me who have had an experience such as this. 
The Picture above is me before surgery
These are pictures after Surgery
 The picture below was 3 weeks post-Surgery
I find myself crying for no reason, touching my head and feeling my scar, the bald spot where my hair used to be. Mentally, I have changed. My daily habits are to sit in the house and blog. I find that I am embarrassed to go out in public and have no desire to interact like I used to. 
I have always been opposed to taking Anti-Depressants, but am not on 3 to try to get back to where I used to be. I was vibrant, outgoing and Happy. I am Mom of 7 and grandmother of 1 and at age 37, my life has forever changed and I wonder if I can get my Mental health back the way I used to be.
I spend hours just thinking about what I could have done to prevent this, I could have never smoked. I could have been more active, I beat myself up over every little thing I have done in life that could have prevented this.
Daily, I forget little things and have to keep a notebook , If I have a conversation with someone I immediately write down the points of it so I can go back and remember in case I need too. I can no longer work on a daily basis because I forget right in the middle of what I am doing,. I have forgotten the fun I used to have doing things wit my children and how much I loved to play board games with them and end up aggravated within a few minutes because I don't know the answers of just cannot focus.
Mental health is important. As I said, it's a hard thing to admit to taking Anti-Depressants, but I feel like this past week has been better than the other 11 weeks since I stopped enjoying life and the little pleasures. I have written more on my blog this past week than I have in 3 months and even played games with the kids and had a fun night with the neighbors.
This is me now:
I guess until you get to this point, you never realize how much your mental health can affect your everyday life. I just want to get better and be the "Me" I used to be.
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