Squelched As A Good Thing

4 years ago

After several days of making foods that don't really qualify as nutritious, today I baked a carrot and quinoa kugel that I saw on nytimes.com.  We had carrots.  We have quinoa.  It seemed oddly fascinating.  I made a cabbage and onion one last week and I liked it even if others didn't.  

What makes some days healthy cooking adventures and others non-healthy?

I think today, I just feel a bit more centered and balanced.  The secondary infection from the viruses started really doing a number on me so I started some antibiotics and, while, I'm still definitely not the picture of health, I overall feel better.

Actually, I feel a bit squelched and subdued, but with that I guess comes a desire to cook savory carrot kugel instead of caramel butter squares (for that one is sitting somewhere in my brain as another thing to try).

I also feel a bit fat, but that's not why I had a healthy eating day.  I am feeling fat because I'm not actually as lean as I was last week.  It's not really that big a deal - give me a week of exercise and being healthy and I think I'll be back there again.  The reason I'm also feeling fat is because I travel this next week to see family over Thanksgiving.

In my head, I pictured me looking lean.  Instead I'm feeling like my gut juts out past my breasts.  It does.  And really, even THAT is okay.  I mean, heck - I'm still a heck of a lot leaner and healthier than I was last year at this time.  So, I'm feeling fat because I'm not where I wanted to be and yet, where I am is absolutely just fine.

I was thinking back to when I started this process and I remember that I began it very quietly.  I had to draw on some inner resolve to stick with it and make it happen.  I squelched myself.  I concentrated.  I hunkered down.  And that's how I'm feeling today as my body feels beat down, but also on the mend.  I'm going to try to remember that this is the space in which I make my best changes.

Did you know that people often do their best writing when they are feeling down?  I read that somewhere.  I don't know where.  I'm not going to google it now.  It might not be completely true, but I think it's a fascinating idea and right now it kinda makes sense.

Savory carrot quinoa,


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