Have you ever been slapped in the face by irony. I am pretty sure I just got bitch-slapped by her(yes, irony is female)--so much so that I am seriously questioning my reasons for allowing it to happen.
Maybe I have been watching too many reruns of Glee lately but this is how I imagine it went down....... Here I was standing chatting it up with friends when I saw her--irony--walking towards me. I could see that smirk a mile away and I could see that she was headed towards me. Yes I could have turned and walked off or even better I could have stopped her before she reached me. But like looky-lous on the freeway staring at the wreck, my eyes were glued to her. What felt like minutes only took seconds and I had the joy of watching it play out in slow motion and then in instant replay over and over and over again. She quickly approached me with her hand raised and just like that she slapped me across my right cheek forcing my head turn away in pain. As I glanced back at her, she just stood there and smiled and off she walked with her self righteousness. And there I stood stunned and amazed that such a thing had happened to me.
Yep that is exactly what happened today (well with a bit of added imagery) when I accepted an assignment to write about ovulation and the intricacies of becoming pregnant. That's right, me. Carrie, the girl who has more emotional baggage than any girl should have on this subject. What on earth was I thinking was I thinking when I agreed to do this?
Hold on. I am sure I have some of you confused so let me back up a little and catch you all up to speed.
Through out this blog, I have touched base on my pregnant past when I wrote Miscarriage = Jail Time. Although I did not go into too much personal detail, I made it clear that I had suffered a great amount of tribulation with my pregnancies as well as issues with becoming pregnant and staying that way. And then recently you have all joined me on my lovely medical journey which includes an enormous amount of excuses, which at this point I am wishing I had continued making. And then there is my fears and concerns over the possibility of losing my uterus. I had have gotten to a point where my uterus so completely defines me that I entitled that fun tale "youterus." Then I finally go to what could easily be compared to a party at the doctor's office where after leaving I started option one for keeping my beloved girl parts which sadly and quickly failed me and again is making me wonder why I went to the doctor in the first place. But now here I am moving on to option two--which I will get into more detail shortly.
So combine all of that baggage and add my ridiculous fear of becoming pregnant and what do you get? A crazy person, or one on the verge of becoming a seasonal freak--keep reading you will understand.
Yes I know I was just whining about the struggles of getting pregnant as well as the serious denial in the possibility of losing my uterus--but, with all of that, I have graduated in life and moved to a stage where I don't really want to lose the ability to have a baby yet the thought of having one scares me to death. So much in fact I can honestly say I had a recent nightmare involving it.
Here I was living my life and so happy to be in the exact place I currently am, married to the man I love, raising a family with four amazing children (all of which are in elementary school--well for another week and then one moves on to junior high :) ), pursuing my dreams and helping my husband reach his--life could not be better. But as dreams sometimes do, they slowly become nightmares, and in this one I realized I was pregnant. Probably just a few weeks in, but far enough to know for sure and well lucky for me to enjoy the great pleasure of morning sickness. You cannot imagine the turmoil that was taking place--my future plans all were suddenly on hold, my joy gone, life was changing and not in a way that I could embrace not to mention I was now going to be spending the next nine months on the floor by the toilet, because that is what I do when I am pregnant. Plus emotionally I was a mess. And because of my past experiences I could never bring myself to get rid of it even though it absolutely tore me apart that I was even thinking about it. I love my children. I love being a mom. I did not enjoy being pregnant but no one in my shoes would have. Now do you see why it was a nightmare? Thank God I woke up and realized it was all a dream.
And the joke is on me--I believe that life has a sense of humor and at times likes to insert that humor into your life or play little jokes on you. I swear it was within days of that crazy dream that once again I had to revisit the doctor because like I said earlier, the first attempt at saving my "youterus" was not working. So what does she recommend we try for a while, birth control--not for the usual reasons (she has no idea what a freak show I am in my dreams), but to hopefully remove my pain. Or at least minimize it.
HA HA HA, very funny Life. You got me good with that one. And look your good friend Irony, she just slapped me and rubbed it in even more that I have baggage and issues to deal with all the while saying "I know you have stuff. But you need to be a big girl, pull up your big girl panties, and put a smile on. Then you need to share with others and explain in kind and happy words the miracle of ovulation and the great joys in pregnancy." Not sure how this assignment is going to turn out but if I can write aboutpenis enlargement then I can write about this. I don't think I purposely cause myself grief, but I do enjoy a challenge.
But wait it get's better.....
Originally the doctor had suggested we try birth control first but I was opposed to it because for one thing, I don't like putting chemicals into my body and secondly, I was afraid of how it would change me. Yes I know birth control has come a long way in the 12 years I have not needed it but I am not sure I am up for the possible side effects. Two in particular.
The first is weight gain and I refuse to gain weight. I will not let a chemical alter me physically. And luckily so far, so good. Nothing has changed other than the fact that summer is getting closer and therefore I have a great urge to exercise more. But that is just me and has nothing to do with possible side effects.
The second side effect is a bit more tricky and out of my control--mood swings and emotional crap. Of all people, I do not like this being amongst possible side effects. I love that I have my emotions in check and that I am not the girl who has PMS and gets all moody. So I made my husband promise to tell me if I change and just to be sure, I went running to my girlfriend asking her to do the same.
Lucky for me or unlucky (not sure which way it is going to go just yet) I am now taking Seasonique. A lovely drug that will supposedly control my pain and keep me from having to deal with girl stuff for months at a time.
Still concerned about the effects this was having and going to have on me, it came up in conversation when we had company over this past weekend. Honestly I am not sure how it came up but apparently my fears of becoming the seasonal freak were quickly revealed and then in order to comfort me or something, I was shown the following video.
That helped. Don't you think? Now I am more convinced that I am about to venture on the path of becoming the seasonal freak. If that happens, I may have to throw my hands up and say, "take it, take my "youterus.""
Let's recap shall we, I was just bitch slapped by irony which happened "ironically" right after Life decided to play a joke on me and now, now I am on the short bus to seasonal freak. So before Life or Irony has any more fun with me, I am asking all of those of your ou there that take Seasonique or anything similar, have you become a seasonal freak?
Writer ~ Day to Day Woman
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