I never realized how much I enjoyed my own company until I was no longer able to enjoy my own company. I think I am finally coming to the root of my depression.
I am experiencing people overload. Sunup to sundown I am with someone else.
This summer we gave up one of our trucks and became a one car household. For the summer I rode my bike to work so that the husband, who is a stay at home dad to our twins, would have ready transportation in case of an emergency.
Riding my bike to work was awesome. Twenty minutes of me, the road and the air. It was peace on 2 wheels. When the weather changed I started to get a ride to work and I am so grateful for the two ladies who ferry me back and forth, they are awesome.
HOWEVER my day begins with and ends in the company of others.
In the morning I get a ride, converse and counsel my colleague. I go to work and deal with teenagers and adults. I get a ride home, converse and counsel my colleague. I go home to a husband and 3 children who all need some level of attention.
By 8pm I am ready to get in my car, drive away and never look back...
My downtime has been completely eliminated and now that I am taking a closer look at the onset of my depression I can see the correlations between my decrease in solitude and the increase in my depressive episodes.
I'm not really into astronomy and the zodiac but I did a little research and found that a Scorpio NEEDS solitude, not like it but NEED it in order to maintain their sanity. I must concur.
I am 5 seconds from flipping tables and telling everybody to F OFF!!! I need a mental minute!!!
I found an interesting site Scorpioland where I found this article Understanding Scorpio Need for Solitude in a Relationship.
Scorpio is an individualistic sign. They don't travel in herds. It's not that they despise others, but rather they appreciate the self and find their inner souls fascinating. Sometimes they just want to privately savor the self.
Creating this blog was the first step I took in capturing some ME time. I carve out a minimum of one hour a day to devote to myself. I have also started taking little mini breaks during the day where I will go off by myself to dodge demons in a book. I might be able to avoid using meds after all if I can continue to nurture myself with needed down time.
So in an effort to not self medicate myself into a stupor, attack random folks with McDonald's knives and take a leap from a sidewalk curb resulting in a bloated face, rap sheet, and broken ankles this Scorpio is Seeking Solitude...
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