Scare Me Skinny

6 years ago

How often has your doctor told you, "You're the picture of health," and it wasn't what you wanted to hear?

I'm a 32-year-old mother of two who looks as though she could be carrying number three. I blame it on my desk job, but I do actually wonder how it's possible that I'm heavier now than at any other point in my life, including the height of both pregnancies.

A healthy BMI is 18.50-24.99, according to Dr. Joseph Pritchard. Mine is north of 30 (read: obese). I'm at risk of hypertension (which I've had during both pregnancies, resulting in preeclampsia), heart disease, and diabetes. I know all about calories, fats, sugars, carbs, proteins, exercise, yada, yada, yada. I've been walking (up to two miles!) every other day and can break out into some serious Zumba.

I know the routine. I'm not seeing any results. I'm starting to feel defeated.

Today was my annual exam and I awaited the chastising slap on the wrist about my weight. I have this conversation already looping in my mind and it includes lines like, "extra weight is hard on your heart" and "extra weight is hard on your back." I waited for it. Longed for it. It never came.

Dr. R. said, "You're the picture of health!" My heart rate is "nice and slow," he said. My blood pressure is right on target and my lungs sound great. Even the nether regions are looking the way they should.

Why didn't he ask about my diet and nutrition? What does it take to have that conversation come up? Is it a scenario of the ball being in my court? Should I have broached the subject? If so, why couldn't I? I'll tell you why. I already know all the healthy ways to lose weight and they're not working for me. I don't want to hear, "you need more exercise," or "you need to eat this and not that."

Here's my true confession. I'm waiting for a medical professional to tell me, "lose weight or die."

I want to hear the bad news in hopes that it will scare me into something different. But what is that something different and why do I need a doctor to prescribe it before I'll do it? Why do I need to be scared in order to change?

I need support.

What is your support system? I keep waiting for mine to be my husband, but he's no help. He's a cheerleader, but not an accountability partner. Friends? No. Family? No. Weight Watchers? Um, heck no. What does that leave? FEAR.

Fear is the support I desire. Won't someone scare me skinny?

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