Restraint

5 years ago

I looked in the fridge this morning and saw a McDonalds apple pie that I brought back from our travels.  I suppose it's a testament to my lack of indulgence while traveling, but it's also a reminder of those glory days and an honest to goodness temptation.  I wanted that apple pie.  I pictured putting it in the toaster oven and heating it up to a toasty temperature.  I nixed that idea and instead looked at the string cheese sitting on the top shelf.  That's healthyish at least.

But then I remembered that this was only day two of entering my foods into my phone app and keeping my daily calories to a healthy minimum.  Ugh.  Day TWO and I already was planning on cheating.

Thankfully I didn't.  I chewed a piece of cinnamon gum instead.

The resolve just doesn't seem to be there, but I have made it this far into the day.  Sadly, I do only have 400 calories left to go.  That doesn't make dinner sound like it will be particularly exciting.

I also made some banana bread.  I HAD to.  We had super soft bananas.  I ate one piece with butter.  I'm tempted to have another.  Why I could have just banana bread for dinner I even thought, but I won't.  I'll have something boringly healthyish perhaps - maybe some frozen tortilla soup.

It's funny that even with this cold and this cough and not really any feeling of hunger, how difficult it can be to make it through the day.  But I rather like this warming up to the process that is happening.  I hope to maintain the resolve till Monday when I begin exercising again (I'm assuming I'll be healthier by then) and the exercise will hopefully magically transcend any angst I have over not eating.

I envision myself running on the treadmill with long quiet strides, lifting weights far above my head, sweating and laughing and then coming home to zip zap around the house with enthusiasm and efficiency and a head sharp and clear and eager to do some thinking for my work projects.  Ha.  That is SO far from where I am right this second sitting on the sofa with my sick son with a tomorrow deadline looming over my foggy bluggy head.  But a vision is a good thing and perhaps next week will bring a small portion of that - I'm cool with a small portion.

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