Last night I went out to dinner with a few friends from group. Honestly, one isn’t a friend and she gets on my last nerve, but I’m trying to accept and overcome. One person knew about my struggles with bipolar and that I’m in a program where they are working on my meds—it has CD support, too. So, of course, the entire group knows.
My group has a lot of “old timers” who think that any psychotropic medication is bad. I notice that these are the people who have sobriety I do not want. They are nut buckets. Two of these nut buckets were sitting at the table.
What people see, though, is someone who is struggling. I walked outside to smoke. When I came in, the three of them were discussing the merits—wrong word choice—the disadvantages of psych meds. When I walked in they were saying how “we” ought to stay away from them. Then the one I don’t like said they took serotonin off the market. I looked at her and advised that serotonin is a brain chemical. Now what I wish I’d said next was that if you don’t know what serotonin is then you have no fucking clue what you are talking about, so shut the fuck up. I didn’t. She countered that they took a drug off the market that had serotonin in it. Insert wish I’d said here.
The next thing I heard was that they have to keep trying different meds to get it right; that is wasn’t an exact science. This is true, much to my dismay. However, I’ve worked at hospitals long enough to know this is true of medicine in general. How often have you been told it’s allergies or a virus just to come back and find out it’s a bacterial infection?
I just walked out giving a lame excuse about the food not sitting well. They knew why I left. I’m sure the conversation continued that it was all because of the drugs. Honestly, it may be. The doctor is working on my meds. It does take a while to find the right “cocktail.” It’s frustrating to me that I go to a group for support and I get shit. Just love me while I go through this and keep your opinions out of my space. Everyone wants to fix everyone, though.
I was so angry, I vowed to quit AA. Now I’m so angry I’m going to go back to going daily, unapologetic for taking psych meds.
What about you? Have you had any judgmental issues in your home group? How did you handle it?
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