The problem with calories is that they are invisible. It's really hard for me to imagine the sheer number of calories hunkered down in a thin slice of banana bread. Or to see the slice of cheese as having anything more than a few calories - it's a thin slice! But I've learned that a bit of something tasty is either 35 calories or 70 calories.
That would include chocolate, fudge, cookies, an almost square inch of cheese. Thirty five or seventy. And the numbers just go up exponentially from there.
The worst is when I take bites of things at lunch that I can't count accurately. Today, for example, I had a thin slice of banana bread. It felt like 70 calories, but I recognize that I had much more than ONE bite. It was probably 200 calories. Then I had a few slices of pepper jack cheese as I prepared lunch for my kids. Certainly the cheese was not a square inch serving size, but I don't really know how much it was. I'd better just say it was 100. And then I went and stupidly had THREE bites of my daughter's burrito which included three bites of the tortilla (140 calories per tortilla) and the shredded chicken, tomato, black bean, and rice filling from our dinner last night (70 calories?).
The problem is that I have no idea at all how many calories I ate at lunch and that means I can't track my calories well. I'd rather overestimate than underestimate, but I dont' want to overestimate too much because then I'll have no calories left for dinner. Tomorrow I may just get myself a clear cut Subway sandwich that has no wishy washy numbers to contend with.
And I think it's crazy that I'm spending so much time with calories. But it is part of this process of becoming aware - super aware - that just because a food feels light in the hand and is quickly consumed, it is not devoid of calories.
I hope I learn these lessons soon because I don't want to be a calorie counter, woe-is-me-for-I-ate-a-slice-of-cheesecake person. I want to enjoy my foods in the future without worrying about their calorie contribution. And so I shall continue to restrict the calories now to continue losing weight so that when I get to where I am going, I can eat a bit more flamboyantly without it being an issue.
No gym yet for me, but I think it's okay. I've been sleeping and getting better and working and making costumes for the kids and eating extremely moderately. Tomorrow I hope and plan to be at the gym in the morning for a mild workout that will get me back in the swing of things.
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