It has been awhile since I posted! I was kind of going through life for a week or two trying to find something to write about, but then I realized my life is going on around me and that is inspiration enough!
I have had some major-I mean huge breakthroughs in my life lately, recently within the past week. Last week I had a revelation: My happiness doesn't depend on whether or not my deepest desire to be married comes true, but rather it comes from depending on me being happy and God helping me to be happy. Monsterously huge--revelation--super duh! Now here is the hard part. Now that I realize this, I have to live it out every single day. That is very hard for me because I still desire to be in a Godly relationship with a man who puts God above me and everything else; someone to share my ministry with in everything.
But I have to take it day by day. That has been my motto for the past 52 days is just to take it day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute.
Last week I had a person text me and get all worked up about something seriously minor. Their way to deal with it was to try to make me feel bad about myself or what I was saying. My positive self talk automatically kicked in, and I was okay. Do you see what I just said??? My positive self talk AUTOMATICALLY kicked in. I didn't have to stop and tell myself that it wasn't me!
Another thing that happened to me is I helped a friend out to get their life back on track. Man were they negative!!! They forgot what they said, asked me to do some mighty impossible things and sometimes didn't listen to me. A personal breakthrough for me was compartmentalizing their stuff away from my own. Their feelings were their feelings. I can say I am sorry and truly mean it, but I am not going to be held responsible for their actions.
In the back of my head all day after I heard their negative thoughts play out all day was that I am okay! I would say things like, "I had a rockin' lunch yesterday. It was so good!" or "Man I slept like the dead last night. It was such a good sleep!" You know what their response was to me? "I'm going to need you to tone that s%&t down. Yes. You heard me. They couldn't take a few positive comments here and there that I was remembering. When the day wound to a close, I just said, "You know. I am trying to encourage you with what is making me happier and what is working for me, and I am not going to let you say that they are just "buzz words" or anything otherwise because it is working for me!"
Huge! Ginormous! Pretty freakin' spectacularly awesome for me to say something like that!!!!!!!
Here's the deal. This person just wanted me to pat them on the back and say I am there for them. Okay. I can totally do that, but don't ever, ever put me down or the way I am trying to be a better person, or me trying to love myself and be happier. I just wasn't going to let this person get me down!
If any encouragement whatsoever in which I can be through this blog: Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Continue your positive self talk, journal if you have to, write your blessings down daily and always give a praise every single day. Eventually it will stick.
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