Our Running Scripts
Photography by Melissa Raye Hovee & Text by Jules Hovee Steffen
Sickness and our scripts may likely be linked together. When we get sick, there may be a script running inside of us such that we become sick. The scripts are the archaic beliefs that have existed for a very long time, actually since we were inutero (and even before, during our Pre-Conception time), on our way toward being born. On a deep level, we conclude that these very old beliefs have worked for us to some degree early on in an effort to keep ourselves safe, a defense from whatever we perceived to be dangerous and potentially life threatening.
While inutero and while being born, our defenses are quite primitive in nature when attempting to accomplish complicated and intricate developmental agendas, and ward off pervasive powers that may seek to permeate our little systems. Our experience is our reality, and our perceptions guide these archaic beliefs to us while we are yet so small. As we get older in life, these beliefs clearly no longer serve us, yet it's our tenacious grip on them that keeps us attached to their luring lies about us. They wreak havoc, create dysfunction, and foster dis-ease within us. As prenates, we latch onto these scripts because we are so vulnerable early on, and we believe that we are the sole reason for the wounding that is happening to us while inutero. But, what's true, is that the archaic beliefs are inaccurate beliefs, far from the truth about who we really are. The wounding that happened to us early on blurs our experience and perception concerning the truth of who we really are, if we but look underneath or before the wounding that happened to us. Depending on our perspective, it's beneath the wounding that we experienced, or rather, it's before the wounding happened to us, that we will discover our true identity that is one of pureness and wholeness, rather than the bleak disparaging belief systems that we attached to early on in our existence.
Some examples of archaic beliefs may include it's all my fault, I shouldn't be here, Something's wrong with me, I'm wrong, I don't matter, I'm bad, I'll die, I want to die, etc. Such beliefs have only to do with oneself, i.e. me. Other statements, such as, I'm unloved - and - No one likes me, imply the presence of others, and because they include others, are not examples of an archaic belief. Archaic scripts/beliefs have to do with what I make - whateever it is - mean about me, and only me.
The prenate/child part of us resides deep within us in the current day, even as we live our life as an adolescent and/or adult. Whether we deny or minimize our little one's existence in our current reality, the prenate/child invariably lives on inside of us and experiences a myriad of feelings and reactions. If the adult part of us can acknowledge, embrace, and be present for the prenate/child part of us, a profound relationship can be begin to thrive inside our system, where the adult part of us offers compassion and unlimited care to the wounded prenate/child inside, offering safety in the here-and-now for what may have been a lifetime of feeling unsafe on multiple levels. This isn't about blaming parents, but it is about having our feelings about what may have occurred for us such that our intricate needs did not get met in certain ways. It's all about taking responsibility for our life and the path that we are on in an effort to heal ourselves. The endearing photo depiction above captures this tiny grasp within her mother's hand, and represents for each of us - the sagacious relationship that can occur for the part of us that is so small, whether it be our prenate and/or child inside of us, who needs to be gently cared for by the part of us that connects with, and is the healthy adult inside of us.
It's not uncommon for grown adults to be at a total loss when it comes to caring for the parts of themselves that are quite young inside. Connecting to the parts of us that are small and young inside of us, and securing the healthy adult part of us - may likely only come with time, devotion, compassion and dedicated practice. Once we begin to wear compassion and release the negative scripts that have been our clothing for so so long, we may discover that the new clothing fits like a glove because it embraces who we really are.
The archaic beliefs, which we create about ourselves as a prenate, are fleshed out in childhood, adolescence, and beyond until these old scripts are consciously released, and healthy beliefs are initiated with careful consideration. These old scripts reside deep inside of us, and reflect the conclusions we made about ourselves during what may have been early experiences of profound wounding, likely emanating from our pre- and perinatal life. The scripts continue to resurface throughout our life until we consciously confront and repattern them in accurate ways.
We often say our scripts outloud in conversation, whether it be I'm bad, It's all my fault, or some other derogatory phrase. It's here that I return to the first sentence in the first paragraph that started this blogpost: Sickness and our scripts may likely be linked together. Asking oneself what was going on inside of "me" (i.e. what scripts are running) such that I got sick, is a very healthy question that can provide the impetus for an internal shift. Consciously and accurately naming the script or scripts that run its course within us, is a very healthy exercise, given that one is then no longer unconscious of this powerful energy deep within. The scripts tell a profound story, and as we allow the story to come forward, healing can begin to occur. As we learn to increase our level of self-care around these seemingly lifelong scripts, we may increase our sense of health and well-being. In addition to sickness, these archaic scripts are the root of what's going on for us when we hurt ourselves or someone else, and when we are passive in the ways in which we live our life.
Thank you to my teachers, Arrow DeGroot and Dr. William Emerson who teach extensively about archaic beliefs and their potential negative impact on living a healthy life. It's only when we can release these inaccurate scripts out of our physical, energetic, emotional and spiritual system - and create new beliefs that are accurate and full of compassion, that we find the healing for which we may long and make our way to theMiddle Ground: Where Sages Dwell.
Jules Steffen, LMHC
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