In just one short hour, I am sometimes amazed by the sheer number of thoughts I have concerning my body. I go down the stairs and my knee is working and I can suck in my gut and I feel like things are improving (optimistic). I cook breakfast for the kids and think forward to our travels and the summer sun we'll soon be feeling and my shorts that will fit and I feel hopeful and excited and pleased. And then I head to the shower and my knee hurts and my foot hurts and I feel dicouraged. How the heck do you get solutions when doctor visits cost so much money and nobody really seems to care to solve the problem for you? And then my daughter is crying and I'm showering and I haven't had coffee and I just feel kind of exhausted. The fat on the backs and sides of my thighs juts out in a very unsmooth fashion. I weigh myself and I'm the same as I was a few days ago and I tell myself it's happening and just by eating healthier, the weight should slowly come off even if it's just a couple pounds a month (trusting).
But boy I wish I could be out running.
And boy do I know I wouldn't be out running right now.
We can only focus on one big change at a time and I've been focussing on cooking and now my classes. Exercise has been booted behind. I'm cool with that for now - hopeful it will happen again.
And then I catch myself doing the really crazy thinking...
"I've lost ten parents since I saw my parents. They're going to notice I look better. That's nice. I feel good. Oh. It's going to be sunny. I want to wear tank tops. My arms! My arms look flabby and weak (they are flabby and weak). That's okay. I have ten days before I leave. I can exercise my arms every day. EVERY day. I can do Eight Minute Arms every day - two times a day. No, three times. Maybe four. Yeah. I can do it! I can go to the gym and do some lifts and stuff too."
Record needle screeching to a stop.
What? Really? I'm going to transform in ten days. Would be nice. I wouldn't mind. But it's not going to happen and all it would really get me is some new tendonitis. The changes I hope to make will have to be slower and will have to manifest themselves in terms of years (or maybe months) and will have to be a by-product of the process and not the goal itself.
So now I drink my coffee and feel my achy knee and begin my day - SO much to do for planning. I'm optimistic that someone I'll figure it all out and never cut into my sleep schedule.
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