I’m obsessed with boobs.
Not the “oh my God what a jerk – he’s such a boob” variety but rather, the female variety.
Before you cast me off as some whack job or call the local authorities, let me explain.
Or loose. Maybe loose is a better term.
When I’m looking down they don’t seem to be too low, but when I see pictures of myself I’ve started to notice that the girls are starting to encroach the middle point of my front frame.
And I hate it.
I miss having perky boobs so that puts me on a mission to find the perfect bra. Last year at the Spring BWT retreat, the topic came up and with 15 other middle aged women in attendance, it seems that I’m not the only one on a quest to find the perfect bra that will put her girls back where they belong. Above the Navel Dixon Line.
We want one that lifts and separates but doesn’t leave us with bullet boobs like the 40′s or Madonna and her cone bra. As we continued the discussion, one of the BWTs got busy looking for the ultimate Bra Lady and shortly after that trip, we had an at home Bra party. They were lovely, pricey and didn’t work worth a damn. Unlike my bestie, I WANT the bra that raises my girls to the point where they could also serve as a shelf. The only thing this bra did for me was make me feel like I was having a heart attack which from an old episode of Oprah, I know is a sure sign of a bad fitting bra..
So now, I’m obsessed. Whenever I’m out and see a mom who is relatively endowed with perky boobs, I really want to ask her what bra she’s using. I just haven’t figured out quite how to approach the subject.
“Hi Mary Jane!! How are you? Kids look great – how’s school? You know, I’ve been dying to say something to you. You have the most amazing looking boobs! Would you mind telling me what bra you’re wearing?”
If I hadn’t been banned from the PTA before, I surely would be then. Not to mention the label I’d get from the kids…. There goes crazy, boob obsessed Mrs. D!
It’s not that I’m vain because I’m not. I’m also not trying to be trite because I am grateful that my girls are healthy as I know there are a lot that are not.
Don’t worry… I’m not eyeing all the moms in the drop off line at school.. I’m obsessed not crazy All I want is to know what bra I need to give my girls a front lift and not choke me to death. I also don’t want to spend $200 for a bra that’s going to last 6 months. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask, do you?
Truth be told, I think the thing that chaps my ass the most is that it means that I have to admit that I AM a 43 year old mother of 3 who has gravity working against her. When what I remember in my head is the 18 year old who was mortified to be nicknamed Bodacious TaTas.
And I know the girls and I are not alone in this….
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