My pants are sagging which makes my underwear show so I made sure to wear the same color underwear as my pants. Clever. However, the only people who are going to see me today are my kids so it's not like I've really pulled one over on anyone.
It feels good to have sagging pants, but I wonder if they would still sag them if they were newly washed and dried. Perhaps they have just stretched out.
I learned my lesson about the mirror. I'm not looking at it before getting in the shower. Nor am I trying on my jeans one size down. It's no fun to feel better and then not see the results.
I feel a little guilty that I'm not loving my body these days. There's a lot of pressure out there to love and accept one's body or at least one's self. I think I love myself. I think I have compassion for the self of me that got my body looking this way, but I certainly don't love my bouncing, jiggling extra parts of me.
I have lost weight and am now back to where I was before I began some crazy two month stint of eating foods that had calories I never knew they had. But I don't feel thrilled. I want to be at the next marker which is 10 pounds away.
In my head, I envision 160 as a good point because that's where I was the last time I remember feeling good about my body - like it was strong and reasonably healthy. But if I go back and look at my journals I can see that even 160 was not really an ideal space at all.
Granted - I don't need ideal - just healthier and fitter. I really want to be around to care for my kids, hike with my kids, and age gracefully.
So, sighing, I will continue to eat healthily, count my dang calories and do dang Jillian each and every day. I peeked at Level 2 on Jillian and think (no committment) that I might give it a go tomorrow. I certainly have not achieved anything spectacular with Level 1, but I can see that I'm not hating it as much as I did two weeks ago.
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