My Low Self Esteem Story

4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

I am now a mother of two and i have struggled with low self esteem since forever. So I want to give you a few pointers on how I changed that. As a child I was over weight. I lived with my grandparents and although they were wonderful and finacially stable they were the defintion of dysfunctional. My grandmother would put me on all kinds of diets when i was just in elementry school. She did this out of love not cruelty. She wanted me to fit in so bad. She was trying to make my life what she never had but it left me with a negative effect. Low self esteem. I fought myself in the mirror everyday.

When I was 16 I had my first daughter. I gained over 70 pounds during that pregnancy. After that I was ashamed. It took me to a dark place in my life of self hatrid. For two years i battled my weight. By the the time i was 18 I had lost all the weight and more. I look wonderful. Some may even say I looked to thin but i didnt even notice. I was still stuck in that head space of being "Fat". I wanted to change how i felt about myself. I couldn't stand feeling like that anymore.

 Of course i was only 18 and thought I knew everything. I came up with some very self destructive ways of making myself feel better about how i looked. My first step was to sleep with any man that would take me home. My second step was to start using illegal drugs and my third step was to be completely irresponible and leave my child with my grandparents. You wouldnt think that low self esteem could really lead you that far off track but being a young mother with lots of issues, it sure can.

I eventually realized I was making my life a disaster. I had to figure out why I was doing all those self destructive things. I didnt know at the time that it was because i felt so badly about myself. So I started taking steps to figure out why I was doing the things i did. I started reading, I started talking and I found answers. The worst thing you can do when you have a problem that needs solved is not telling anyone.

We as people can be our own worst enemy. We dont want to bother anyone with our problems or worse we dont want anyone to know we have a problem. That is just the insanity talking. By ignoring the problem it just makes it worse. Like throwing fuel on a fire. It grows bigger and bigger and can eventually burn your world to the ground. I didnt want that to happen.

At first I tried simple things. Like taking "Selfies" and posting them on to my social media sites and that helped a little bit. Its always nice to hear that you look good. Still that wasnt enough. I found my self starved for attention. I began doing things to make myself feel better that were once again self destructive. I started losing respect for myself very quickly. Which in turn made me hate myself even more.

Finally, I swallowed my pride and called to make an appointment with a therapist. Which was one of the best things ive ever done. Talking to my therapist made me aware. It made me realize why i had low self esteem and why i was so self destructive. I have more underline issues then low self esteem but It was the root of all my evil. So like a weed in the garden I had to start there to begin fixing myself.

After just becoming aware of my problems things in my life started to change. I learned different healthy ways to handle my low self esteem. I talked to my therapist regularly. I started eating better. I spoke to my close friends about it and I found an amazing man who loves me no matter what my weight may be. I stopped doing drugs and I got my life back on track. When I start feeling bad about myself, I think about how far Ive come and I think about all the good things I have in my life.

The best advice I can give someone with low self esteem is just to address the problem. Dont try to hide it. Love yourself for what you do in your life and for the people that love you. It doesn't matter what you weigh or how your hair looks. It matters what kind of person you are. Be happy with who you are and cherish the life you have because you only have it once.

- The Child Of The Dawn