My Brain as a Kludge

4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

Such great goals I had beginning with today, but of course, I set those goals yesterday and I set them when I was feeling motivated to make goals (but not quite motivated to carry them out!).  Smiling - this is how goals are and thankfully I know I'm not a complete failure - just not as spectacularly successful as I'd like to be.

I did metitate last night and I did read my daily meditation newsletters on loving kindness this morning that I had conveniently ignored for the last week while sinking lower and lower into lousy eating and lousy feeling.  I plan and intend to meditate today.  It's a weird thing how nice it is in a very untangible kind of way.

I am scheduled to go to yoga this evening and, unless it's canceled, I will be there.  It's Vinyasa yoga which doesn't mean a whole lot to me, but I know that I get a really good stretch and good workout and have sore muscles the next day.

The eating thing.  This is where I don't shine at all.  I made breakfast at home but then took the kids out and stopped at a bake sale and had....not just 1/4 of a cinnamon roll, but 1/4 of a large cinnamon roll, 1/3 of a small cinnamon roll, and an entire chocolate croissant all to myself.  I know - not so good and exactly the kind of thing I was supposed to avoid according to the goals I set yesterday.

However, I did refrain from picking up a chocolate bar when I stopped at the store.  Walking home, I felt myself hoping for something good in the bag and felt a twang of disappointment that all I had were carrots and bananas.  So, a bit off track for the day, but not as off track as I could have been.

One thing I didn't set as a goal was sleep, but that's because I really work on getting 8-9 hours of sleep.  I didn't appreciate before how much of a difference it makes, but now I do.   I did not get that sleep the last three nights, but sometimes that is life with kids and neighbors.  However, I do go to bed early every evening and I'm not setting any super early alarms.

In one of the daily meditation newsletters, the writer referred to our brain as a kludge.  I love the reptilian sound of that word.  Essentially he argues that our brains are not built smoothly with the grand scheme all mapped out.  We learn things and then along the way we learn new things.  As we grow, the different parts of our brain battle to keep us stable.  I feel like this happens a lot in this weight loss and growing healthy process.

What feels normal is to be overweight, yet here and there I get snippets of a new way of being and it's so revitalizing and so wonderful, but it's not normal and the part of my brain associated with the old normal starts to yield control as it is now when I dine on cinnamon rolls and croissants against my better judgement! 

So Day One back on Blogher and I feel more committed to the weight loss/healthy body plan than I did yesterday and certainly much more than two days ago.  I'll get there, just never as fast as I envision when I'm thinking about the potential for tomorrow.