It's a constant spinning.
You expect to see the scale add up your pregnancy plump pounds, but instead you see it fall. Lucky you say? You don't know my pain. Throat searing with acid, head pounding, neck aching. Veins collapsing from dehydration and too many IV lines. Some times I go days without keeping anything in, on a decent day I manage to keep down broth, and on a good day I can keep down applesauce and toast. My husband longs to drive down to Baskin Robins and pick me up a tub of ice cream to gorge out on, because that would be better than the alternative (constantly being sick). My poor son tells everyone mommy is sick and I can't care for him most of the time, so others help me (thank God).This isn't morning sickness that can be cured with saltines and crackers, THIS is in a league of its own. Food has no appeal except for survival, its taste is like chewing on cardboard or gravel between my teeth. Sometimes i've noticed a single tear streaming down my cheek while I force feed myself, not even realizing it was so taxing I could cry, yet I couldn't waste my limited hydration on sobbing. Everyday I cross off my calendar is a milestone completed, a pat on the back, I survived another day. Most importantly my baby survived another day. When you are so sick in moments like these you realize how short life is, how diabetes suddenly seems so easy and trivial. Trust me I have hallucinations visions of taking my children to the beach and Disneyland every other day, because life is too short and health is so important, never take it for granted.
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