"I've learned that something constructive comes from every defeat" - Tom Landry
Yesterday I was unable to blog. I had a rough day. I did not eat all that healthy (breafast sandwich, salad, roasted chicken, piece of pie), I only exercised for about 10 minutes (my little girl interupted because she couldn't sleep), and to boot, my husband told me how excited he was that we have a scale because he was able to see that he weighs 230 pounds. THAT'S RIGHT!!! I'm 20+ pounds heavier than my husband who towers over me by 8 inches. I felt emotionally abused upon hearing that.
How did I let myself get to this point? How am I able to look in the mirror and not see anything other than my teeth (when brushing) or my hair (when drying it)? I must have trained my eyes to avoid the things I don't want to see. I have resolved to see me for what I really look like. I placed a mirror next to the bike I use.
Tonight I used the bike and forced myself to look at how my body moves. I must admit, I never knew my body looks the way it does when I'm sitting, when I'm moving, even when I'm just standing. It's disappointing. I can see the old me, the thin me, but I'm covered in a fleshy tomb preventing the real me to be seen by those who have never known me to be healthy. That's what this journey is about. It's about taking what is presently encapsulating the true me and making it disappear. I may not lose the 100 pounds in 1 year like other people but I need to focus on losing 1 pound at a time no matter how long that next pound takes to lose.
I tried a Special K breakfast sandwich today. It's awful. The bread part was like eating thick pita bread: bland, stiff, gritty. The sausage was salty and I can't quite define what type of cheese was on it. I have 3 more left in my freezer so when they're gone they will never grace my freezer drawer again.
I bought Smart Start cereal by Kellogg's to snack on or to replace any meals that I'm too lazy to cook. I wanted Product 19. Does anyone remember Product 19? It's probably not healthy but I used to love Product 19. It's not sold on shelves in my area, though.
I want to say that I've only been working out for a week but I feel a noticeable difference in the stress I feel. I still have overwhelming feelings and stress but it feels more managable.
On a side note: I'm planting a garden this spring/summer. The goal is to plant the healthy food I want to eat. I started sowing some seeds: cucumbers, tomatoes, canteloupe, watermelon, green and red peppers, zuchini, broccoli, cauliflower. I'll be planting onions, potatoes, celery, and corn but those have to be planting in another month or so.
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