Hormonally challenged that is my self imposed diagnosis. For all those that are in the throws of perimenopause or menopause you know what I'm talking about. The relationship between my emotional and physical self is at times harmonious but mostly I find there is a distinct disconnect as experienced in outbursts towards other people and through my writing. Physically, well I can only say, things aren't what they use to be. I miss certain things as I grow older, mainly my eyes without glasses and not having to have three separate clothing sizes within my closet. What I also miss is the ability to not react emotionally to insignificant things. Oh those days are gone, my friends. Some days I'm as calm as cucumber and the next minute I'm like a bottle of pop that has just been shaken. You hear a slow fizz, then that loose cap flies off and the spraying begins.
My dear friend Jill said to me that when her Doctor asked her how she was doing with menopause she said "Well, I haven't killed anyone yet." I had to laugh, I knew exactly what she meant. It is amazing how feelings are heightened and we can do and say things that normally wouldn't be a part of our "normal" behaviour. I can snap at someone and then think to myself "Who am I and what just happened here?" The counsellor part of me wants to be more balanced about this, more professional but it isn't happening. The paranoia is a self destroyer, the crying bouts are annoying, the lack of restful sleep is a killer, change in appearance and other unmentionables makes this one journey I am not celebrating. I know I should see it with more grace and positive energy like some guru's of change might wish but I'm not feeling the personal empowerment part of taking a trip down menopause lane.
So, out come the books on the topic and conversations with female friends and family. What I have discovered so far is that none of the women close to me took the same path. The range of response to this change went from medication, hormone replacement therapy, surgical procedures, naturopathic remedies and finally nothing at all. One of my friends never had a problem with menopause! She told me in a recent conversation by phone that she sailed through it with no discomfort. I'm sure envy doesn't have the ability to travel through a phone line and show its searing eyes on the other end but if it could I think she would have stared right at it after she told me about her uneventful menopause.
I'm looking at dietary changes and possibly even acupuncture to help with the symptoms. The acupuncture is something I never thought would be considered due to my extreme fear of needles but if I pass out on the table I could see it as a minute or two of rest. As for dietary changes, that is going to require me to cook which comes with its own stresses. Today I picked up yam because I heard it is good to include in your diet. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it but I figure a yam can't possibly have side effects like those listed at the end of drug commercials.
The fact is I just don't know. I have more reading to do on this topic but ultimately I have to trust that I will get through this with no hospitalization or jail time. In the meantime, I give forewarning to everyone to look out as I'm challenged and prone to outbursts. My suggestion, take cover and remember its not me its my hormones.
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