A Little Yellow Happy

3 years ago

One little pill......it's amazing how one little pill can be causing so many thoughts in my mind these days.  A pill that is supposed to be making my thoughts happier and easier is stressing me out a little bit to be honest. 

My doctor put me on Zoloft while I was in the hospital after my miscarriage.  After all the things I went through and 30+ days in the hospital, he thought it was best to increase it after I went home, because he felt like I hadn't really had time to deal with losing the baby and getting home and dealing with reality would be harder than I had expected.  He was right.  That's why he's got the fancy degrees and I entrust him with my life.  I have never been ashamed to admit I needed it.  I think there are more people that could benefit from medication like it.  I'm not one of these people that's afraid to take medication (obviously).  I'm not saying there is anything wrong with those who choose not to, but for me, they have helped.  I have cried and cried......and cried.  Mother's Day was probably the most painful.  The baby's due date was probably the 2nd after that.  Every time I see someone have a baby, or announce they are having one, and I'm still sitting here.....with a storage unit full of furniture and clothes....and now I can't even try again because I managed to get bit by a TICK and have some weird bacterial infection......it's still hard. 

But......it's getting better.  MUCH, MUCH better.  So, it makes me think, do I still need these little yellow "helpers" everyday?  I don't feel depressed - aren't these for depressed people?  Wouldn't it be nice if I could take one pill out of my daily regimen of what feels like 19 pills (really, it's 9, but who's counting?).  Then, I get afraid....if I stop, am I going to be a wreck again, bawling at the drop of the hat?!  I can't take that, and I sure don't want my poor husband to have to go through that again.  So, it's something I'll discuss with my doctor, but for now, the little yellow happy pills stay.  As for me, I'm here, and I'm not carrying a little banner around saying, "I've been depressed, and I'm overcoming - give me a pat on the back!!" - but I'm not hiding either.



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