Wow. This remaining positive thing is hard. I knew it would be. I knew it would be the hardest thing I ever tried to do in my entire life, giving it all to God. So...
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.
I feel numbness. So I switched to doing something that I loved: Cooking. Happiness on vacation is a spam, egg and cheese sandwich that I never get to have because I am always trying to lose weight. I have just a couple of days left on my vacation, so I am living it up until Saturday morning. Gooey breakfast it is!
I took a bath today too. Something I only get to do on the weekends or my days off. I have heard that people don't take baths anymore. Why? They are wonderful things. To sit and soke, to relax, to let your body settle and shrivel up into a prune. Read a book while doing so is one of the purest pleasures on the face of the planet. That is my one positive thing I am listing on my blog for today.
I have set goals for myself to become more positive. One is to say one positive thing a day on my blog. The other is to create a Blessing Jar and write down one good thing that happens to me every single day, and at the end of the year on December 31st, I get to pull them all out and read them. With that being said, I was reading my book today and there was a scene about a couple finding each other out for the first time. I had to put it down. My heart is still too raw. One day I will be able to read about stuff like that again, but not today.
My positive thinking for today right at that moment is that I get to have a relationship with God. I get to be with a God who will never leave me high and dry, who will always be there when I get home from work, whom I can take to lunch with me if I want, and whom will always love me. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat...for as long as I need to keep telling myself that. It is true. I just have to believe it now.
So cheers for today. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...
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