I'm sorry, but your pregnancy is totally freaking me out. No offense.

7 years ago

Right now there are about a half dozen women I am either friends with or acquainted with who are currently pregnant.

They post their big news all over Facebook and upload ultra-sound images and snapshots of their ever-growing bellies.  They even have professional photographers come in to photograph them and their husband hugging, holding, kissing and caressing that belly. 

It's absolutely precious.

And it totally freaks me out.

The whole pregnancy process is awfully gross to me.  I don't think giant bellies are cute, and I especially don't appreciate the weirdly protruding belly button.  That belly button looks like another limb is growing out of your stomach, and yes, I can see it through your shirt, and YES, IT'S COMPLETELY FREAKING ME OUT.  And ultrasound pictures?  Really?  Those aren't precious to me.  I will ooh and ahh over it since it's standard protocol for all women everywhere, but pretty much, I think your baby looks like an alien being.  Yes, I can see the nose, the chin, and the eyes... but it still looks like an alien life form waiting to be hatched in a laboratory.  I'm sorry.... but it totally does.  And again, it's completely freaking me out.  And the pictures with you and your husband and that belly?  Again, I'll tell you that they're adorable, but... yeah, they still completely freak me out.  First, that giant lump on the front of your abdomen looks completely unnatural to me.  It's HUGE.  And, again, it kinda looks like an alien life form has invaded your body, and is waiting for the most opportune time to break out and wreak havoc on unsuspecting earthlings.  And the fact that you and your husband are cuddling it and kissing it and holding it... well, it just doesn't look quite right to me.  Not to mention the fact that BEFORE you were pregnant, I had no desire to see your naked belly, and now that you ARE pregnant, I still don't really want to see your naked belly... especially with the weird navel thing going on.

I'm just sayin'...

I don't know.  Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I don't find anything about pregnancy to be "cute" or "attractive" or "precious".  It all really freaks me out.  My friends who are now all pregnant or already have children always found baby bellies to be "SO CUTE!"  They were probably also the kinds of little girls who shoved beach balls under their shirts at the age of six and pranced around pretending to be preggo.

Not me.  And I apparently still have major hang-ups about it.

Which is not to say that the miracle of birth isn't wonderfully precious and awesome.  The end result is pretty great, but it's all the ugly stuff leading up to it that freaks me out.

Maybe I'm just supposed to adopt.

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