That's it! I am putting my husbands fat diarrhea mouth on mute until he can stop pissing me off! I refuse to hear another word that comes out of his mouth until he learns to stop being so annoying. I don't know what has happened, but overnight he has turned into a stinky, loud, annoying pig. Doesn't he know I need a comfortable peaceful environment to grow our baby? If he keeps up his piggy behavior it's going to be nothing but freaking hostile!
Of course... I do love my husband very much. BUT!!! Since I have been pregnant I have stayed seriously pissed off at his simple-minded-annoying-manness! It never fails, when I am finally ready to forgive his stupidity he pulls off another act of stupidity! I swear he breathes differently now, he takes nothing but big deep annoying breaths.
Thanks to the hormones my fuse is considerably shorter than before baby. Admittedly, it does not take much for me to fly off the pregnancy handle. Still, he should be thanking his lucky effing stars it's not his ass that's doubling in size everyday, even though he is on his knees worshiping the porcelain God all damn day! My annoying shithead husband has no idea what it's like to grow a human. If he has any effing sense in his simple mind, he will shut up and put up!
Here is an example of a normal conversation in my house...
ME: "I want to order the movie 9 months. It's supposed to be fun for a pregnant couple!"
Stupid ass husband: "Oh come on! You cannot want to watch that crap movie? No way it's stupid."
Then, he finds out that the local movie theater is having a midnight showing of the movie Tron and he pre-orders tickets for US!! Really?? That stupid Shithead thinks I want to stay up and watch a ridiculous loud crappy man movie? This, ladies, is what my dumb ass married!!
With 27 weeks to go... my fuse better start growing and/or my husband better stay in the corner and learn to live to please me! Friends and family who have done this pregnancy thing before promise it's completely normal to start hating him. They also promise he will stop being such an annoying shit sooner than later. Either he will learn to walk on eggshells, or I will stop wanting to "hurt the one I love the most," and something about, "Misery loves company." Blah blah blah... It's not my fault he's annoying and making me more miserable. Everyone insists it gets better. Well, 3 months and a week of pregnancy and clearly we are not there yet.
All I have to say is he better watch out, or he will be changing his address to a tent in the back yard!
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