if stress were a diet, i'd be kate moss

5 years ago

Seriously: if stress were a diet, then I'd be Kate Moss.  And I mean that in a good way.

If it were true that a steady load of stress burned calories like nobody's business, then I'd be a twig, runway-fit.

But as it is, the opposite is so, so sadly true.

Stress is bad for you in so many ways.  But most importantly to me this morning as I'm once again contemplating what the hell I'm going to wear:

Stress makes you fat.

I know, I know: I'm sounding like such a fat-ist. Whatever.  I'm just talking about myself right now and I do not like to be what my frend Jen calls fat-for-me.  I might look fine to you.  I might look small.  But I know the truth.  I know the pairs of jeans moved to the bottom of the drawer because they're just too squishy right now for comfort.  I know the shirts I'm actively avoiding even looking at as they hang there in the closet, taunting me with their too-short-ness.

I know the truth.

And the truth is that my insane workload ever since I went back to work post-surgery, so as of July 1 -- and yes, that totals 3 straight months of increasing, dizzying, almost-blinding stress -- I have become a shape I don't like.  And it's all thanks to stress.

My go-to source MayoClinic.com contributes the following, to which I would only add that as a true stress-ophile, I would never run like HECK when HELL is what the situation demands.

Whether we're stressed because of constant, crazy demands at work or we're really in danger, our bodies respond like we're about to be harmed and need to fight for our lives (or run like heck). To answer this need, we experience a burst of energy, shifts in metabolism and blood flow, and other changes.

If you remain in this state for a prolonged amount of time due to chronic stress, your health becomes at risk. Aside from a host of other dangers, chronic stress can also cause weight gain -- which is why some products like Cortislim are marketed as diet aids.

Prolonged stress affects metabolism, blood sugar and fat storage.  In point of fact, stress is the enemy.

Stress is the anti-Kate.

Because I'm totally vain and really do want to head into my second half-century of life looking good, THAT is all the impetus I need, really, to reduce the blinding, buzzing, dizzying stress of my work.  Yes, I wish I could quit my job so that I could be self-employed, write, farm, keep bees, slow down, sleep better, stop grinding my teeth.  But mostly what I want, more than anything else, is to break up with the stress.

I want my life and my smaller ass back.  So Stress, take note. You're out.

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