I am a writer. I write so I can get things out of my head because sometimes it just gets crowded in there. I write so my heart doesn't feel so full of everything. A lot of the things I am doing right now to turn my negative thoughts around are from techniques I have been taught over the years. They help, but I never stick with them. So I am going to give it the good ol' college try for the next year.
it is six days into the New Year and it feels like I have been trying for weeks to keep positive. I heard something on K-Love the other day. They issued a 30 day challenge to listen to nothing but Christian music see how it makes you feel promising a positive change. I thought to myself, okay. It can't do anything to hurt the situation on becoming more positive. I don't like listening to K-Love because they play the same thing over and over again.
So while I flew to Seattle today, I was armed with no amazing technology except my ipod and a book. I put my earbuds in and listened to my Christian Music Playlist. I go to church every Sunday. I listen to the kids practice during Praise and Worship every Tuesday. I am surrounded by Christian music and so I listen to other things throughout the week. I am big on NPR right now and classical music. But when I was a captive audience of one for an hour and a half on the plane, my mind wandered as I listened to the music.
I thought about how sad I was that I text the guy two days ago whom I thought loved me two days ago and there was nothing. So I had to turn this trainwreck around and fast. I focused on the music. Then I took my phone and started the writing the introduction to a sermon that I have been thinking about for two weeks now. My mind wandered again to the negative and I forced myself back to my sermon again. I only wrote maybe two paragraphs; that was how hard it was my mind ping-ponging back and forth to negative/positive.
I switched tactics and wrote down my positive affirmations I needed to transfer to index cards so I can carry around with me in my pocket. Sounds weird I know, but for me it works. I have these sentences which only have one sentence per card that is a positive thought that combats a frequent negative thought I have. Example: Negative thought-I am completely and utterly alone in this world. Positve thought-You are not alone. God is always with you. Negative thought-No one wants me. Positive thought-You deserve only the best that God has for you in a person.
Just writing these down right now is hard for me because I sometimes don't believe them. But I write them down nonetheless and I have to pull them out every single time a negative thought comes my way. I have to read each and every card right at the moment I have a negative thought. They aren't many because I try to keep them to about 10 cards at a time. Let me tell you it was hard to come up with some of these affirmations on the plane. I plugged away though and came up with about 10.
Do you know it took me the whole time I was on the plane? Then I started really focussing on the words of the songs I was listening to. I was moved. I wrote down the lyrics that spoke to me the most. But do you see what I am saying? It took me an hour and a half to come up with 10 positive thoughts, positive lyrics, etc. because right now my mind is at war with itself.
It is so hard, but in the end I had a good day overall. One day the back and forth will stop in my head-I hope. Through prayer, positive affirmations, Christian music, devotions, etc. I will get this positive thing. If I have to I will continuously repeat myself over and over again until I believe them. My best positive thought for today: I was able to fit in my white pants! Woo hoo!
Continuing to hang on by my toe nails,
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