HOW TO SURVIVE AN AFFAIR……..Creating a New Relationship where an Old Relationship Had Been….
How does one survive something as traumatic as a cheating spouse? Does one even want to go on with the relationship after someone has cheated and lied to them? That is a personal decision and a hard one. To me there is no right or wrong answer….It is simply a personal choice based upon their own unique circumstances….
It doesn’t really matter why an affair happened. If it is someone cheating on another there almost always has to be lying involved in it….Without lying it is likely not to be cheating. If there was permission to cheat it is likely not cheating….The cheating I am talking about involves deceit…..
The emotional roller coaster of finding out that a spouse has cheated is really met with a lot of highs and lows….It can be heart wrenching….It is one of the hardest things in the world to have loved someone and then to find out they lied and cheated…..breaking the bonds and commitments that both had previously agreed on…..A lot of people opt to end the relationship through Divorce….
And yet, there is hope…..There are those who opt not to end the relationship…..They opt to do something different…..They opt to CREATE A NEW RELATIONSHIP WHERE AN OLD RELATIONSHIP HAD BEEN……Just what is that……?Well….basically in my mind once cheating has taken place the relationship is no longer the same relationship before the cheating took place. The old relationship has now become a different relationship….with a new reality….If both agree to rebuild the relationship they can build one stronger and better and yet different than what their original one was…..They have to decide what they want it to look like. Will there be commitment in it now that trust has been shattered…..?Some opt to simply continue on with what looks like the old marriage but with new rules in it….Others opt for something very similar to the old marriage…..and some create an entirely new looking relationship that suits their new reality of who they both are and have become…
Basically an Affair was a breaking of trust. Some affairs completely dissolve the marriage….but it doesn’t have to…..Most spouses who have been cheated on think their marriage is over, but those who tend to hold on tend to weather the storm of the affair and can actually save the marriage……Repairing or Recreating a marriage that has had an affair now attached to it can be one of the hardest and longest journeys….It doesn’t happen overnight and there are lots of emotions as well as highs/lows to deal with…..And yet that marriage can be saved if the two are willing to save it……It can be better and stronger than ever….and yet different than what it was….
Surviving an affair teaches us things about ourselves as well as the other person we did not know before…..The life lessons involved are endless…..Most decisions should not be made suddenly….Important life decisions most often take time and often require the guidance of wise counsel……
Those who seem to do the best after the revelation of an affair are the ones who take their time in making decisions……Time to let the trauma absorb and the information all come to surface. Rarely does all the truth come out at once…..Most of the time the truth of what entirely happened can take quite a while….Often there are others to consider too…..how will it affect the others that will have the fall out of any kind of permanent split in the relationship…..Many things are considered…..The best way is time and guidance through the stormy weather of an affair…
Just remember….THERE IS HOPE after an affair….Not all is lost…..Actually many good new things are gained….A new perspective….new insights…..a new beginning to an old relationship…..
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