Just what I didnt want to happen, has happened. Its amazing the thoughts that can go through your mind when you are left bored and alone. It happened. She was left home alone with her thoughts and thought It'd be a good idea to research her disease. She has every right to know whats going on in her body, after all, it is HER body! I knew the minute something was wrong. The sound of her voice on the phone was too calm, like her mind was elsewhere. In fact, it was. It was racing with thoughts of sickness, time, family and death.
When I got to her house that night she was laying in her room. I snuggled up to her like I always do and we just talked. She kept saying "I thought I had more time". It broke my heart to hear this. It must be so hard to actually know that each day that passes could be your last. How, as a daughter, do I respond? What do I do or say to make this better? I didnt know. I told her of stories that I had heard of people surviving up to 3 years with Glio. That wasnt enough for her. Its not enough for me either. I tried changing the subject to the shopping sales going on, hoping to get her mind off of it. Everything we thought was cute, she wanted to buy for me. I felt like she was trying to buy me everything. I didnt want any of it. She can't buy my love. Its already there. She just kept saying she owes us so much for taking care of her. Really? I just wanted to shake her and get it through her head that we are a family! This is what we are supposed to do. This is what I want to do. After dedicating the past 31 years of her life to me and my happiness, loving her and taking care of her doesnt even compare. Its the least I could do. Im really hoping the Kickoff to Chemo party will take her mind off of things at least for a little while.
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