What Are You Having a Breakthrough In?
I travel in enough self-improvement circles that I often hear the phrase, “breakdown to breakthrough.” It typically causes an unpleasant reaction in me when I hear that, because in my fantastical world, I would love to be having breakthroughs WITHOUT the breakdowns! But alas, in my experience, and that of the people who trust me enough to confide in me when they go through their own breakdowns, it does seem to be that change for the better is usually precipitated by some form of ‘hitting the (proverbial) wall.’
So my most recent breakthrough would have to be in the area of recognizing that I have been allowing myself the dubious luxury of being angry. For me, this is a ‘slippery’ place. A place where the ‘highest good for all’ takes a back seat — a place where my desire to have the people in my life to feel loved and respected no longer feels important. When I am cavalier about allowing anger to rule my thoughts, it feeds upon itself and it begins to feel like nothing is “right” in my world. I guess that others have a similar reaction, but when I am in this space, it feels like I am alone.
My breakthrough came the other morning when I was laying in bed with my daughter and checking my daily horoscope, which Lily asked me to read aloud. It gave me a metaphor about Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail of popcorn in the woods and not being able to find their way out. The horoscope went on to caution me that I may be getting myself into something that I wouldn’t be able to find my way out of. Lily immediately piped up, “that is JUST like you, Mommy!”
“Really? What do you mean by that?”
“It’s like when you get angry, and you can’t find your way out.”
I had to reflect on the fact that in recent weeks Lily had seen several outbursts from her mom (me!) Most were directed at my husband, Bryan, (which is another post for another time!,) but Lily was nearby and witnessed much of it. Bryan and I are moving through the build-up that was causing our niggling at each other, but in the meantime, I get to take a look at how I manage (or MISmanage!,) my anger and how it really is a choice I make. I have the capacity to take a breath, to walk away without saying hurtful things, to make better choices. Sometimes I don’t choose that, and I end up making a mess. And I guess that is okay too, because then I get to clean that up, choose again and hopefully give Lily a better example for living — eventually.
To bring this back around to GRATITUDE on this Grateful Monday, I would have to say that I am grateful for having a 7-year-old that is so perceptive AND feels comfortable enough with me to be honest with what she sees in me. I am grateful that I can see a place in my life that can use some repair, and I have enough tools in my tool belt to get to work on it!
What Are You Having a Breakthrough In?*
*Questions provided by Cafe Gratitude and their daily ‘Question of the Day’ program that helps facilitate ‘clear and present’ employees at their amazing Cafes.
Stay Playful, Playful Karen
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