On the surface, this seems like commonsense, right? Everyone deserves to find their own joy. Simple. On the surface. If we dig a little deeper, though, and if you are anything like me, it’s deceptive in its simplicity. Let me start with a bit of a confession: I’m a fixer. This isn’t necessarily bad or good, or even unique. Nonetheless, there it is...I’m a fixer. Well, I’m actually a fixer in recovery.
If someone has a problem, is unhappy, or vents to me about what is going wrong my first inclination is to find them a solution--a way to fix that. At work? Great asset. Personally? Not so great. Hence, the “fixer in recovery” title. I have been on a personal journey and one that has brought me a great amount of joy in my life. When I find something I love, I just want to share it so badly. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to open, ready, or willing to hear what brings me (or you) joy. And that is okay.
When it comes down to it, people are going to have problems. I can dish out a million great solutions for them, but in the end, they have to go out and find their own solutions that lead them to joy. When you are a natural fixer, like me, you might feel the inclination to offer unsolicited advice to people at one time or another. This is really where it sticky.
Sometimes people will be happy about this advice...but other times? Not so much. Because not everyone is on the same page, path, or wavelength. Sometimes people just flat out don’t want to hear what you have to say. I’ve been on both ends of this equation, and I have to tell you, it’s not really all that great from either end.
When I see someone that I care about doing things that are contradictory to what I think may make them the happiest, I know it. Once you know something, well, you can’t un-know it. By the same token, though, others feel the same way about me at times...and they aren’t always right. You can’t shove solutions down people’s throats, and to go one step further, sometimes we are just wrong about what makes other people happy.
In other words: people have the right to go out and find their own joy. They have every right to screw up, to be down in the dumps, to make decisions you don’t understand, and to learn and grow and emerge who they are. When I find myself in these moments, as part of my “recovery” from being a fix it, I try to turn inward and focus on my happiness and my joy.
So tell me, are you a fix it? Are you in recovery from your habit or do you find that you just can’t help yourself? What’s one way you can focus on your path of joy today? Leave it for me in the comments section below!
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