Yesterday morning, I weighed myself both at home and at the gym and found I was only two pounds away from the top end of a healthy BMI.
And you know what? That good news - that positive - the-end-is-in-sight news - kinda bumped me out of my focused eating healthy routine. I dined on cheese and bread and pumpkin pie, though I very conscientously left the pie crust in the tin for my husband to discover. I popped a Butterfinger and probably another. I had some more cheese.
I observed this phenomena of eating more in the wake of good news and wondered what the heck it was all about. Lack of focus and discipline I think. Lack of seriousness and diligence. Lack of taking things seriously.
I went to the gym this morning. I wouldn't have, but I've got the gym partner available these days and her text back to me at six am was chipper and determined. Dang. So I got up.
I have only sampled three caramel squares, one slice of pumpkin pie (without the crust), half a peanut butter/honey/banana sandwich, and a small handful of grated cheese over my onion soup, but I fear I could so easily go downstairs and make a real mess of things. We are going to dinner tonight and I already know that I won't do a good job moderating at that event and that I will have desert so I really ought to stay focused on being food frugal this afternoon.
So many horrible challenging miserable things happen to people and this is what I am fretting about. And yet, I think, these challenges such as weight loss which seem so inconsequential in the scheme of things, are representative of our struggles as humans to make change right within our home.
I think change is much easier when there is a fire underfoot - when things are really rotten. But as soon as the fire is under control, it's hard. It's the tenacity and daily grind of things that messes us up and I think of that when working with my students and interacting with others who are battling their own demons.
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