While I was watching TV a few nights ago, a commercial for Vagisil ran. When the voice over announced that Vagisil could help cover crotch odors in addition to soothing embarrassing itch, I rolled my eyes. Then it hit me: it's been eons since I'd last seen a commercial for douche. Maybe we actually have made some progress when it comes to women hating their natural bodies less.
Douche commercials were a staple of TV when I was growing up. Generally, a mom and daughter would walk on the beach and discuss not feeling "fresh." I remember them being mocked on Saturday Night Live. Merely saying "that not so fresh feeling" can still evoke laughter with certain crowds.
While dumb douche commercials may be hilarious, douche really is no laughing matter. While I was in high school, my friend's mom (who was a nurse) would fly into a rage whenever she saw a douche ad. "Douching is like bathing a cat," she'd seethe. She explained that the chemical solutions strip the vagina of its natural lubricants, distorted the normal pH balance, and left the nether regions ripe for infections. "Don't ever use them," she needlessly cautioned us. (And definitely do not use douche as "protection" from unprotected sex – the fluids merely push sperm further up into the vagina.)
Not only is douche unhealthy, but it perpetuates the idea that vaginas and vulvas naturally smell bad. If the woman in the new Vagisil commercial can smell her crotch while fully clothed and standing in front of a mirror, she doesn't need a cream to cover it up – she needs a doctor to check it out. A woman who bathes on a regular basis and does not have a health issue should not worry about her snatch smelling like vagina. Vaginas should smell like vaginas, not like perfume.
What does douche smell like, anyway? Since I seem to have nothing more productive to do with my time, a few months ago, I did a small research project for my blog on the different douche scents that are still out there. I thought I'd find scents like Rose or Lilac. Little did I know that the latest trends in vaginal perfumes are head scratchers like "Tropical Rain," "Island Splash," and "Sweet Romance." Billychic fromThe Billychic Files and Ornery Woman commented on those weird "scents:"
Seriously...nothing gets me happier than the smell of lasagna or pizza...there you go. Pizza Cooter. If one has to douche, they could at least hook one up with that aromatic scent.
I have always maintained that if women are douching because they want to smell "good" for their men - and want the men to enthusiastically eat the cooch - then douche should should smell like pretzels and BEER!
Personally, when interviewing new men, I want their favorite food to be sushi. Cuz I don't care what anyone says - a clean healthy snatch tastes like fresh oysters.
On a related post about douche equipment, Suebob noted, "You're just lucky they don't sell Soured Romance. Because that shit is nasty!" And that is the truth about all douche – it is nasty stuff. Women smell much better without it.
Douche is best used as the insult it is (such as, "Who's that douche who parked a U-Haul on the sidewalk, thus preventing me from reaching my apartment as there is no where to walk?!?!" which is what I thought on my way home from work tonight). It's bad for vaginal health and an affront to women, implying that our natural state of being is smelly and filthy. Ladies, for a happy hole, stay off the douche pipe!
Suzanne also blogs at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants
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