Depression sucks! Oh, yes it does!
Yesterday was the first day since my blog's inception, that I have not published a post. I know that I've said in the past that I seemed to have lost my funny, but all joking aside, it's true and I'm about to tell you why. Sort of.
I think I should start out by clarifying that things have NOT been good for a long time, and it hit its' peak on Monday. It was like a volcano. Even scientists could not have predicted this shit. Maybe a psychologist could have seen this coming, but not a Volcanologist.
Normally, I would never talk about this sort of thing. I tend to put on a facade and pretend to laugh while I sit on the toilet and try to push rainbows out of my ass. However, I feel like it's time I say something.
Usually I can attribute my depression to that special time of the month and I’m pretty confident that Mother Nature will commence to punching me in the ovaries in the next few days. Sometimes, I hate that bitch. She can be vicious. I know that Aunt Flo will also barge in, kick off her shoes, and announce that she’ll be sticking around for the next few days. Those two seem to run around together like Thelma and Louise. But after they pack up their belongings, wave goodbye and say that they’ll see me next month, I usually go back to being myself in no time; however, not in this case. All it means is that dealing with the daily bullshit will not cease; at least, not yet.
Depression is usually the result of emotional scars, which is the source of mine. It’s a shame that I have waited so long to stand up for myself and not allow the bullshit to take place anymore.
Never mind the factors that serve to compound my issue with depression, but that “D” word is such an ugly word, isn't it? Well, society tells us that it is. I've learned through my own experience that it doesn't have to be an ugly word, something that is debilitating. Does depression make me crazy? Nope. It just makes me normal, because most of the population deals with it too. The only thing that sets us apart is the mitigating factors.
I'm not looking for advice. I’m not looking for answers. Well, maybe I am. Sometimes we relate things so we can vent and just be heard. But sometimes we just need people to say that they understand, to reach out to give you help because you’re too weak to help yourself, to say that everything is going to be okay. Depression sucks. Depression sucks the life out of you.
I know I have to try to be strong enough to face my depression and any obstacles that are set before me. If I can do that, then maybe I'll have enough strength to keep it at bay and survive. Maybe. But I know I cannot do it on my own. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.
Part of the issues is also lack of employment and I know that all I can do is continue looking for a job, continue growing my blog in hopes that I'll gain enough advertisers/sponsors, and continue to look for freelance writing work -- anything to bring in an income. When that day comes, I can make my way out of this deep, dark hole.
So, yes, I'm asking for help. I need a job. Sounds funny after a chatting about depression, huh? But you know what? This depression is because of my situation. I haven't always been like this.
If you know of anyone who is hiring (it doesn't matter where at this point), I'd be a valuable, loyal, honest, and hard-working employee. I have extensive knowledge in computer technical (desktop) support and networking, and although I've been away from it for a while, the knowledge and experience hasn't escaped me. I learn quickly, too and can pick up new technology like a sponge. But because of the length of time I took off from this career and chose to go to school, nobody – and I mean, NOBODY! – will call me back.
As most of you know, I also earned my MA in English Literature and Writing, which gives me experience in teaching, writing, editing, and proofreading. Although it was not technically my job description, I have done technical writing in the past.
I've applied everywhere, even places like Walmart, Target, McDonald’s, etc. Again, nobody will call me back, especially here in Pea Pickin’ Town. I'm either over-qualified or don't have enough experience, depending on the type of industry. I've even down-played my education and experience. It hasn't helped.
I've applied for jobs in different cities here in Texas and out-of-state, but employers like to hire locally. I can’t be local unless I can move there. I can’t move there unless I have money. It’s a catch-22.
I’m up for anything at this point, but it seems helpful when you know someone. It's not what you know, but whom you know. I hate that things are that way, but it's a fact of life, especially in this economy.
I'm willing to transfer anywhere!
If any of you would like a copy of my resume, please email me at gkadams(at)funnylifestories(dot)com
I'm more than willing to accept any and all help.
Thanks for listening!
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